Love, Nina

Entry 33

ENTRY 33

Teresa was acting weird yesterday. She was pale, unfocused and out of herself. She failed an exam which is very odd. Why? I tutor them all the time.

We have a study group wherein I teach all my studying habits and techniques for them to adapt. I help other students to make up with the darkness in me. It's some sort of penitence I do.

She wasn't wearing any makeup at all and her face was unrecognizable. Her hair was just flat and frizzy and she's not wearing anything flashy. That's not the Teresa I know. She's always extravagant, bossy and obnoxious.

She's not that quiet. She's always been this person who lacks empathy. She says what she wants and acts like it's nothing. That's how she works.

But why? Was that crazy dude still blackmailing her? I thought it stopped when William started dating me.

I tried to reach out but she kept herself silent.

William on the other hand seemed to not notice her sister's dilemma. How could he not? Right? I unserstand the overflowing awkwardness.

Well, I don't know that because I don't have a sibling. Being an only child sucks. Being an only child is suffocating.

Being my family's only child scares me every single day.

Yesterday, William was cramming to study for his exams so he's not to bothered with. He stayed all day at the library and I've seen him there looking so stressed with all the books and notes on the table.

Since he was busy, I can't stop thinking about Monica Hatton. My attachment to her is such a mystery I can't understand. Her life is like a page-turner psychological novel that I usually read. Her flaws, secrets and mistakes intrigue me. I want to know more about her. I want to know why this guy caught her attention.

I want to know how he met Prof. Simmons. I want to know more about Katie Decker and her brother. I want to unravel the mystery in this novel.

I want to know what happened to Raymond and his parents when they found out that she was carrying a child when she commited suicide.

I have a lot of things that I need to know. My fascination in her story makes me question a lot of things.

Then I received a phone call at exactly 9:52 in the evening.

It was Teresa.

"Nina... can you help me?" She said, in a very low tone. Her heavy breathing made the call very tense. I went out of the dorm and sat in the laudry area, to keep the conversation private.

"What is it?"

"He... he came back. The one who's blackmailing my friend came back. He said that he'll take me insted of her. I don't wanna go with him, Nina. He said that if I don't, he will destroy my brother. I can't let him do that. I love William with all of my heart and soul. I love him so much that it... hurts me to see you with him. There, I said it."

I remained silent for the next thirty seconds, trying to catch my breath. She loves William to the point of death and I'm not sure I can ever surpass that much affection.

I cannot fathom this feeling inside my heart.

I closed my eyes and leaned on the wall.

"I love him too, Teresa. All the times we spent together, I realized that he's the only good thing in me. He keeps me sane. He's my reality. No matter how much you love him, I don't think it can... overtake my overflowing love. Teresa, I'm sorry but you have to be specific on what you want. Do you need him back?" My heart is racing. What if he comes back to her? What if?

What if he breaks my heart?

I stood up to walk away since people are getting inside thw laundry area. I don't want them to see me crumbling down. I've never been hurt because of a man but this time, it may happen.

"I want you to keep him away from me, as much as possible. I want you to get away with him. Take him away from me. Make him think less of me, or maybe forget about me. This person isn't only targetting me and my friend. He's been targetting blonde women in the campus. I don't know what to do." I can hear her cries. I can sense her defeat from this wicked man.

But I can't let her know that I can do things like hacking. It would be highly unsafe for me. I can't let this guy know about me. Well, I'm a legit brunette so I'm probably out of his concerns.

I took a deep breath and tried to gather my thought, but still, my mind remained blank.

"How do you want me to take him away?"

"I... I will act like I'm hostile against you, Nina. You just have to act like the good girl you've always been. William needs a good woman beside him; someone who's smart enough to stay with him. I don't need anything else."

I feel confused. I took a cigarette and puffed a smoke inside the toilet cubicle. I'm going crazy. Why are they so complicated? Monica then Teresa? What's with all these secrets? Why are you like me?

I'm threatened. I'm threatened that someone might discover my other activities. I can't let them know that I'm twisted. I can't break my mother's heart. She would be so devastated.

But what can I do? I was like a wild cat who was caged in an iron cell, never taught, only tamed. I was never a happy child. Something is lacking in me.

You what that is? It's empathy.

Sylvia learned when we were both in junior high that I don't care with things that affect normal people.

For example, when Janet Dawson from Chem class died, I didn't even talk about her a single bit. Never did I feel sorry about her cancer because she was a bitch and a bully.

God, I lack empathy and my life is threatened by something unknown.

By something I'd rather not see.

Love, Nina.