Chapter Fifty-Five

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Chapter Fifty-Five

                   I have a hard time telling myself that the only reason for my attendance at Lee's party is to bid him a wonderful birthday along with a final goodbye. That's it. Both of our lives have diverged into different paths now. Lee is taking responsibility of Penny and her baby and his company. I am taking responsibility of my mother and future.

Mom hasn't responded well at all. Due to her aneurysm bleeding again and again, the doctors keep cutting my mother open every time she codes. So far, they have been able to keep the bleeding at bay. Thanks to Madam Jin, some of the best are operating on my mother. However, they are still only human. The doctors say there is nothing else they can do and one day, they won't be able to stop the bleeding.

I've begun avoiding the hospital all together. From spending every waking day there, I now try to go everywhere else but my mother's deathbed. Focusing on classwork, friends, my future. If the doctors can't reach me, they can't force me to make any decisions...right?

"Pencils down," the professor announces.

I finish bubbling my last question for my Classical British Literature final. With that, my first semester at college is over.

I breathe a sigh of relief once the exams are collected. I stand, wrapping my red knit scarf around my neck as I gaze out the windows. The class is on the second floor of a busy street. Light snow trickles down into the city, the kind that seems slow and light. Cars are honking, per usual, but even more so as the snow causes accidents and traffic.

"What'd you think of that exam?" Giselle says, catching up to me as I leave.

I roll my eyes. "Thank the lords it's over is all I can say."

"Tell me about it! I swear half the questions he pulled out of his ass," she says, appalled. She pulls down her white beanie and we walk down the flight of stairs. "You up for some food?"

"Mm, sure," I tell her. "You want to try a new coffee shop in Manhattan?"

She gleams. "You betcha."

Giselle and I have not forgotten our adventurous foodie commitment. We haven't gotten to go anywhere all week or month because of finals but now that finals are over and Christmas is around the corner, our weekly ritual of finding a new place to eat or drink at has been resurrected. Occasionally, we invite other people from our friend group but usually, it's our thing.

"Invite Dan, Tan, Jess, and the rest or no?" she asks before laughing. "I love rhyming."

I laugh along with her. "Sure," I decide, "why not? One last hurrah as finals end and before we all disappear for like a month and a half. Everyone's going back home soon."

The word home feels like a punch to the gut. I barely remember what that is anymore. Not the room with the constant technical beeping that reassures my mother's alive. Not the empty house back in Brownwood that seems like a lifetime away now. Not the dorm I am about to move out of.

I have no idea what to do for Christmas. The same fear I had for Thanksgiving creeps up my throat again. Can Brent even make it back? Or is he going to Panama with the rest of his frat friends for vacation? I miss him. I miss Candy. I miss my old life.

A couple metro rides later, Giselle and I reach downtown Manhattan. It's not hard to find a new place to dine. There's at least ten restaurants every street. On the corner of two streets, we find a quirky looking cafe with the theme of clouds and no stress. Since no stress would be very much appreciated in my life, we decide to give it a try.

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