70 Deadly Wattpad Sins (The Book Of Evil Advice!)

Sin #21: Chips Or Crisps? (The British are coming!)

  Okay Tyro, you're going to write this entire chapter about cultural spelling without making a single 'grammar nazi' joke. It's been done too many times before. You will NOT be offensive to the Germans, and you will NOT cheapen this sin with your casual racism. Is that crystal clear?

  Yes, I will NACHT. Kristallnacht.

  Darn, so close. Well, let's skip the reporting and move right into the belly of this sin! 

  Y'know, I really didn't think that it would be necessary to create this topic. I wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but it seems that most young readers are completely oblivious.

  What if I told you Americans out there, that the way you spell 'realize' is actually incorrect?

  *Clutches pearls* Oh, my stars and garters!

  Well, not technically wrong... but to us British people, who use the spelling 'realise', your alternative would be marked as an error in our spellcheckers. This affects many of the words that we share across the pond, but how did this happen in the first place?

  I swear, if you give us one more history lesson...

  Don't worry, this one's easy. Let's just say that there was once this fancy prat called Webster, who in the 1800s believed that 'murica was superior to the rest of the world. At least, enough to think that his country warranted its own distinct form of language, separate from the UK. 

  Before then, both spellings could be used interchangeably and no one gave a hoot. However, these days you can't even write a story on Wattpad in British English without the American English crowd commenting and complaining about 'bad grammar'. 

  Maybe schools don't teach students about this cultural divide as much as they used to, or perhaps it has only become a nuisance now that we can communicate through the internet. Whatever the reason may be, we crumpet-flippers have grown sick of being marginalised.

  Keep calm and carry on, dude. What's the big deal?

  Well, you wouldn't believe the number of comments I've received on how poor my grammar is, the number of times I've been advised to 'hire an editor'. When I've asked to clarify, it's almost always because I've said 'colour' instead of 'color' or some tripe.

  I don't expect you Yanks out there to instantly recognise every word's alternate spelling, but at least make an assumption! It's not that hard, and I've been able to identify nearly all Americanisms through reading books by American authors. 

  Okay, but how should we know what to look out for?

  Good question. Let's go through the main culprits, the words that are commonly flagged as 'potato grammar' in Wattpad books.

  We've already discussed 'realise' and 'realize', but the same can be applied to many sets of suffixes. Americans will always use 'ize', while the British tend to switch out for 'ise'. This means that apologise, recognise, socialising and womaniser are all correct terms. Yowza.

  Then you'll get ones that tend to end with 'or' in American English, but 'our' in British English. Words such as colour, honour, favour and odour aren't smelly at all.

  There's also a link between the British 'ce' and American 'se'. You should know that defence, licence and offence are okay to use, despite looking kinda weird. There's also another whole drama about Americans doubling up on the letter L (fulfil, fulfill), but I think we've already covered enough ground to start World War 3, so let's call it there.

  But wait, I'm not American or British! Which version should I use?

  You can use any language you want! Use both if you want, even if you're American and want to use British spellings! Point your middle finger at Webster and tell him that we liked the old system better!

  Seriously though, in the world of fiction, no one is going to deduct points for using one ruleset over another. Some of these minor changes are so obscure, that most people don't even realise they're actually using the opposing country's grammar!

  If you're writing a report (or any piece of non-fiction), then sure, stick to your industry's preference. For anything else, as long as you're consistent and don't switch too interchangeably, I'd be incredibly surprised if the British-American umbrella had any impact on your story.

----

  I can't believe you actually had to create this topic.

  I know, right? It peeves me off to no end, whenever I ask someone to critique my work and they send a bald eagle over to claw my eyes out. Land of the free, whether you want it to be or not.

  There are a lot more subtle differences between our cultures (pavement = sidewalk, learnt = learned), but we both know that I'm too lazy to go over those. If you can think of any red-flags that you've had in your stories, here's your chance!

  *Sits back, sips piping-hot cup of Earl Grey tea, not Earl Gray*

  Tea? Wait, aren't you Scottish?

  Didn't you hear? All British people can only be English. Scotland, Ireland and Wales don't exist.

  Oh, duh.

  Pip pop, cheerio.