70 Deadly Wattpad Sins (The Book Of Evil Advice!)

Sin #27: Friend-fiction (Causes friction!)

A/N: THIS ONE IS DEDICATED TO MY GURLS TAMMY, AMY, JESSY, RAEMY, BAEBAY, JENNY, CHARITY, BETSY, RIPLY, GHASTLY, FRANKY, GRUMPY, SLEEPY, DOPEY AND OFC MEEEE!!!

Yeah, right... Like you have that many friends.

S-Shut up! I have hundreds of them, just on the internet! Isn't that what really matters?

If you saw the title, you're probably wondering what friend-fiction means. Just like fan-fiction, both genres involve taking features from a pre-existing universe and dumping them into your own sordid little creation.

You want Johnlock to be canon? Push the detectives together with your own naughty quill. You think there's an alternate timeline where Hogwarts selects 24 students to take part in the Triwizard Hunger Games? Mash up any random details you want, screw the laws of causality!

That's the world of fan-fiction. When you start to include your own friends though, it tip-toes across the line into a place that blends fantasy and reality together.

What's so wrong about that? Are you jealous?

IHAVEPLENTYOFFRIENDSYOUVEJUSTNEVERSEENTHEMBUTTHEYTOTALLYEXISTOKAY—

Erm, excuse me... What I meant to say, was that the quality of most friend-fictions seen on Wattpad gravitate towards the lower end of the spectrum. This is meant to infer that they completely suck dookie and are, like, totes cringe.

Okay, so maybe that's a little too harsh. It perfectly illustrates my main issue with these types of stories, though — they aren't open to criticism at all. To comment on a character's flaws is to criticise a living, breathing person in the author's life, which is often met with hostility.

Have you ever thought about not insulting people?

Remember, criticism does not equal slander. Writers have enough of a problem taking comments too personally, never mind bringing their own mothers into the mix!

I understand why they make these stories. Writing can be therapeutic for some, giving them control over situations that would otherwise leave them powerless. By injecting people from their everyday life, they can manipulate their actions to bring a sense of predictability. 

Since they already know the person's behavioural ticks, there's no need to waste time developing their personality. They can just jump right into the plot without any introductions.

These 'inspired' characters are just snapshots of how that person is viewed by the writer, incapable of becoming anything more or less. To take it one step further, authors will never explain the individual's actions or give a detailed backstory. Their excuse is 'it's classic Brad, he always pulls stuff like that!'

But I don't know who Brad is! Stupid in-jokes!

Exactly. Friend-fiction is only good for one audience — your friends. It only pisses everyone else off, knowing that you're creating references and tributes to a person they have never even heard of. Also, if you think that you're being subtle about it, chances are that your readers can sniff out a real-life character from miles away.

Telltale signs are: 1) your character's personality is exactly the same from the first page to the last, 2) their appearance is never described because you already 'know what they look like', 3) they are presented as Mary Sues, flawless beings so that they don't offend their original counterparts.

I still think you're being way too salty about this.

It's not the genre of friend-fiction I hate, just the way that people are forced to tip-toe around it. Writing is like any other art; it should never be censored or forced to change depending on who might be reading. When you bring those closest to you into that world, you become hyper-aware of their perception and take less risks when writing about them.

Of course you're not going to kill off your friend in the first act, after showcasing the worst aspects of their characteristics. Unless they've already created a story where you were crushed to death by a Batmobile thrown by Darth Magneto, in which case, go nuts.

Friend-fiction is often sloppy from the start, making it hardly worth the potential strain on existing relationships. Is it fun to share with your buds on Wattpad? Duh! Just don't treat it like you're writing the next Shakespeare, especially when it has your white-trash crew from the suburbs skating around or whatever it is that kids do these days.

If you ask for constructive criticism on these types of stories, be sure to bring a hard hat. And a camera, because I want to see the look on your friend's face when the brutal savages of the Critics Club tear them apart without realising that such a lame character could actually exist.

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Do you like your friends? You should, if you're calling them your friends. If you want to keep it that way, it's best to watch what you say about them, both behind their backs as well as in stories. Even if it's something polite, like they're packing a massive, huge, throbbing (cough) personality, any comment on their character is a judgement that they might not be comfortable with.

Be kind to your buddy's likeness, or better yet, use that as an inspiration for a greater character instead of a direct rip-off. Unless you're writing your story for poops and giggles, it's better to come up with something original, you muppet.

Say, wouldn't it be weird if I was inspired by one of YOUR friends?

It really would, considering that I don't have any ¯\_(ツ)_/¯