Caspar's Friend.

Part 1 Chapter 11 Just Face It

Now I know I say this a lot, but I really do run away from my problems. Recently I haven't been out, seen any friends, ate as much, cleaned, I haven't spoken to Joe (or Caspar), I've been forgetting things. 
It's been two weeks since I last saw them, and that was when I heard Caspar's news. You could honestly say I've isolated myself from them. I've isolated myself from everything.

You couldn't say I've been in contact with them, to have a connection with someone you both need to make an effort. Which I haven't been doing. 
They've both called and come to my house, but I haven't answered. I've just ignored them.

The outside of me is saying to forget and move on, but something on the inside is screaming at me to solve my problems.

You know now. But I can't keep going like this. Caspar is my brother I can't leave him. And Joe... Joe's my boyfriend I can't forget that.

I decide to leave the house. The first time this week. I pull some shoes on and a beanie and walk myself down to Jaspar's house. 
It's cold and windy typical English autumn.

I stop in front of the door. As my hand reaches to the buzzer I freeze; not because of how cold it is, because I question what the heck I'm doing. 'I can't do this!' 'What are they going to think?' 'I've left it too late!'

I pull myself together and keep reminding myself that these boys are my family, they're my friends. I press the buzzer as my heart slows in my chest.

I talk through the buzzer.

"Hello?" I say quietly through a cold hearted muffle.

No reply, just silence, just the sound of static through this small contraption.

No one speaks to me they just let me go through. I open a door. The door. The door I went through everyday. I knocked on the apartment door. I could here the rattling from inside when Joe opens up.

We both stop and stare in disbelief.

"Caspar has already gone to America." Joe says blankly.

"Can I come in?" I ask and Joe opens the door wider gesturing me in.

Joe goes and sits on the stairs next to the door. He puts his chin in his hand as I just stand there like a lost lamb.

"I know you didn't expect me to come." I say perching myself next to him. "I f*cked up Joe. You need to understand. I need to get over things. I can't change what Caspar's done, I never could."

Joe sighs and adjusts his posture. "Why did you leave it so long? Why did you ignore me? Why are you here?"

"I don't know Joe. I don't know."

"That's not the right answer Em! I would of answered to you if I was left to my thoughts! You shouldn't have treated me or Caspar the way you did! We were trying to help you. We were trying to stay in contact with you before Caspar left, but you just blatantly ignored us."

"I..I.." I croak. "I'm sorry. I am sorry." I pick at my shoe laces. Silence fills the house.

"Do you think we should have some space?" Joe asks me.

"Don't you think you've had enough over these last weeks?"

Joe wraps an arm around me and whispers "I've missed you." Into my ear. We sit there for awhile. Not saying anything but taking in what we've both missed out.

"Next time you want to leave me let me know or bring me along."

"Half of that made sense and half didn't." I say rolling out of his embrace.

Joe walks to the kitchen and we both make omelets like nothing ever happened.

Lets face it life hasn't got a plan and neither do you. You may think so but you don't. Put the effort in to change your life for the better and solve any problems that will cause you to get stuck in your path.