Daddy Dearest

Chapter 15: Related

So you ready to hear it!

Onee-chan may or may not be in the process of publishing my first manga. jeje. They will be on sale at my district's annual Japan Day event.

It's not Yaoi  but we did make a pretty good horror type manga. If I upload it to any sites, I'll be sure to drop the link so you can check it out. 

Proceed and Enjoy. 

Onee-chan. 

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Jaden's POV

At some point, one's go to wonder, am I really okay in the head? Is there something really wrong with me? Even if it's a joke, that question resounds in what one's head. 

Yet I was not worried or concerned about that right now. Blake has once again seen me at my most vulnerable state and as I desperately reached out to him, he turned his back. His eyes were so sad.

What am I doing to him? to myself? I haven't felt like myself lately. I haven't felt anything lately.

My phone keeps going off and for the life of me, I wouldn't answer it. "I'm sorry Blake," I whispered to the ringing device with Blake's face as the caller ID. Neil got mad at me for not answering his call too.

I didn't want to talk to anyone. After my break down, I just didn't want to show myself in public. I remember bits and pieces of the episode, but I don't really know exactly what transpired after blocking out.

Both physically and mentally, I felt so unbelievably heavy. My visits to Signal Hill became more frequent. I know Blake's worried since he kept checking up on me like I'm on some suicide watch and kept making food that I can't seem to stomach. I always end up crying over the food anyway. Instead of eating with him in the dining room, I had subjected myself to the loneliness of my room.

I didn't want to see his face as yet. I couldn't let him in and see how wreck I felt. I had no more will power to put on a strong face in front Blake, since he won't  realize that I'm not as weak as he thinks. I can protect him just as much as he protects me. I hate that he treats me like some fragile person.

Technically, I can't blame him. What I'm asking for is just too much and I knew it from the start. As heart breaking as the thought is, the chances of us being something is as much as the chances of an ice in hell.

I can't.

I just can't anymore.

I can't play and pretend that I'm okay this time. The rejection hurts so much. Blake's hesitation was obvious yet he wasn't going to accept my feelings no matter what. It's too much for me to ask to be seen differently, when all he's done is treat me like any father would.

Like a beloved son.

Yet, he probably would be better off finding himself some woman. Maybe he just isn't into guys and doesn't want to discriminate me. So many excuses kept running through my head all at once, rendering me immobile.

All this and I refuse to acknowledge the main possible reason. The reason being that maybe, I'm just not good enough for him.

"I swear to God, if you continue to mope like that I'll let you to wallow in your pity," I heard Neil huffed out as he threw me a canned coke from a vending machine nearby. "Any longer and your face would be on the ground."

I guess I'm being a burden on Neil too.

"Well, I'm sorry to rain on your parade, as far as I know, you came on your volition," I answered tucking my head between my bent knees. "I'm not stopping you, so you can leave at any time." There was a whack to the back of my head.