Only Fools Fall For You

Confession

(Jb)
I laid motionless on my bed begging sleep to come, i desperately wanted everything to just shut off for a second. But no matter how long i laid there or how hard i tired it never came. It was like the guilt and regret that flowed in my veins and straight  into my heart. I bit back tears as they pooled in my eyes, pathetic. The silence that was spread throught out my apartment was deafening, and the loneliness that settled in my heart was suffocating. I felt as if the breath had been sucked right out of my lungs as the tears poured down my face, Coward. Rage boiled up in me as memories flashed before my eyes. Time after time i chose to destroy him, to break him. I chose to degrade him, humiliate him, i chose it all! I wasn't forced or threatened. Each hell i put him through, id choosen. I was sick and pathetic. Yet he'd loved me, believed in me, he'd trusted me. With a heavy heart and swollen eyes i forced my self up and out of the bed. I drug my body to the shower and scorched my skin with water. I made my way into the living room only to freeze in my steps. "Jackson?" I croaked out, my voice horse from silent screams, screams for mercy. Disgusting. He whirled to face me "im..sorry. After everything i said, im standing in you house and everything. Its just i need to get something off my chest." I nodded "you see jaebum, I've well ive loved you for awhile now. I know you still love him and this is selfish but cant you love me? Shit... I originally came to apologize, but i couldn't help myself. Ive watched you slowly fade away and i can't lose you. I love you, even if you hate me. Im sorry this was so sudden and unfair." I stood frozen in place as his words sank in he loved me? This situation was all to familiar, my vision blurred as i leaned against the wall.
"Bummie?" Youngjae asked innocently "hmm" "why do you hurt me if your going to feel guilty about it later?" The cup id been holding was now in a million pieces on the floor. "I .... Im scared. That's why." He frowned "scared of me?" I shook my head "scared of how you make me feel. When im with you i feel like im on cloud nine. I feel invincible, your like my kryptonite, my weakness. I love you so damn much and it scares me." I mumbled. He gently forced my chin up so we were now staring into eachothers eyes. His gaze was gentle and loving "why are you scared of those feelings?" He whispered " im well im scared of rejection. So i hide my sexuality but you, you were so beautiful i couldn't miss the opportunity to have you as my own. At school i panic, i can feel their knowing eyes on me and i snap. Im sorry. Im so sorry." He just smiled "its only been a few weeks, you'll warm up to the idea of telling people, youll learn to control your fear. You wont hurt me anymore. I believe in you. I love you" i remember smiling but deep down knowning it wasn't true. My fear ran to deep, i would continue to hurt him and there was nothing i could do about it. Except let go. I should have let go, not because i didn't love him or because he meant nothing but because he was my world and i knew id destroy him. But id been greedy, i hadn't had enough time with him to let go.
"Jaebum. Hey jaebum. Are you okay? You are really pale." I nodded. I slid down the wall, why jackson? Why me? "Jaebum. Are you sure your okay? Can i get you anything? Maybe some water?" I shook my head. I needed a new heart, i needed to disappear. I wanted to love him the way he loved me, i really did but my fear nipped at the back of my brain. He'd get hurt, id break him. "Jackson..id like to sleep. Could we talk later?" He frowned but nodded. Im sorry. Once the door closed i hurried to my room. Sleep. Thats all i needed. I needed to stop thinking. I couldn't over come my fear, i couldn't fix my mistakes, i couldn't love my best friend. I am worthless. What good am i if all i do is shatter the hearts of my loved ones? Groaning i closed my eyes and let my thoughts run rapid as sleep took over.
In appreciation to the new got7 mv!! Hope you enjoyed!