The Marx Brothers

Chapter Thirty One - 'Truths'

When the car shut off, we remained inside in the middle of darkness, my hands began to shake, my mind racing.

"I had a great night" I started anxiously

"I hope so" Brody nervously laughed back, his eyes glancing in between me and my front door, his own mind unsure of what to do next

"Thank you for taking me out, it was nice to not be cooped up at home" I told him honestly

"You're very welcome" He smiled "Let me walk you to your door"

He had made his decision, the decision I had been dreading.

I just nodded and stepped out of the car with him, slowly waddling up the porch, the light flickering on as we entered it's sensor.

Like a movie, we stopped opposite each other, both looking in between the door, our hands, and the others expression. We were like awkward kids on our very first date, not knowing what kissing meant, worried we'd fall pregnant just by holding hands.

"Will you be okay by yourself tonight?" He asked, breaking the ice

I nodded "I'm used to it"

"I wished you weren't" He muttered, his hands peeling out of his pants pockets

Oh god.

"Me too sometimes" I agreed, falling into his trap

Slowly, while holding my breath, Brody began to lean towards me, his hands reaching towards my body. The warmth of his palms quickly pressed against my sides, his weight pulling me towards him. Panic had set, and I could feel my knees shake.

I couldn't pull back. All I could think was that this was what I needed. I needed stability, I needed his light. I wanted to feel something for Brody, I wanted to want him with the lust and passion that I had felt with...

And then it hit me, like a tonne of bricks.

I needed Brody, but I wanted Phoenix.

My mind was messed up, scattered all over the walls of my skull.

Phoenix was bad, he was dangerous, wild and unpredictable. It was a bad idea, a very bad idea. I needed to remove him from my brain, I needed to fall for someone like Brody, not Phoenix.

I leaned back towards Brody, my lips crashing into his. All that ran through me, was the idea of feeling something for him that I did for Phoenix. I wanted to wrap myself up in him, suck in his sweet scent.

My hands reached up to his neck, my fingers sliding into the bottom of his hair, our lips moving slowly against each other. I could feel his fingers squeezing my hips, pulling me into him. My brain felt like it was going to explode.

The longer I allowed it to go on, the more intense I knew it was going to get. I was forcing myself to feel something for him that apparently wasn't there.

With what would have only been a few seconds of our faces locked together, I had tried to gain something that was in no way shape or form going to emerge.
As quickly as it began, I pulled away, ending it. I was gasping, my chest rising and falling rapidly.

"I'm sorry" I apologised, staring at our feet while he continued to hold on to my waist. I held my hands over my mouth, my teeth grit, guilt was washing over me.
I was leading him on.

"Don't apologise" Brody smiled, brushing stray hair behind my ear.

When I looked up at his eyes, they were soft, looking over my face, I felt crushed.
How could I have done this to him? He was an amazing man, he didn't deserve this, me.