Chapter Forty - 'Reset'

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Once I had made the call, I continued to prepare dinner, cutting the potatoes up, mixing the sauce together and slicing the sweet potato into thin chip pieces. I waited, wondering when the regret would sink in, when I would begin to panic and call him back, telling him I had changed my mind and I didn't want him to come over.
Minutes passed, and that emotion didn't come. Instead, I felt at ease with my decision, comfortable and confident. Those feelings alone, told me that what I was doing, was right.

25 minutes later, the doorbell sounded. I put down the spoon I was using to stir my potato bake sauce and made my way to the front door. That's when the nerves kicked in. My palms sweat, but I remained intent on doing what I had been forcing back doing.

Pulling the door open and seeing his face, it made saying what needed to be said, that much harder.

He looked just the way he had when I had seen him at the grocery store.

"Come in" I directed, holding the door open for him

He did as he was told and walked inwards, stopping at the island kitchen counters.
He kept his hands in his pockets, his eyes wary of what I was going to say.

Slowly, I walked towards him, keeping safe distance between us. Bravely, I lifted my gaze and looked at his face. Properly, taking in his features. He was healing nicely since the fight, only small remnants left on his skin. It was the tired expression that took more a front row than the bruises and cuts.

I folded my arms over my chest, unsure of where to place my hands.

"I spoke to Jett, he's coming over later to help explain things to Gracelin" I began

"That's a good idea, you shouldn't have to do it by yourself" He responded, his voice sending chills through me, the pure roughness of his tone irresistible

"I was prepared to do it on my own, I think either way it is going to be pretty bad"

"It probably will be, but it won't be like that forever, everything eventually calms down, what's that saying about a rainbow after a storm?" He lightly smiled

"We'll see after tonight if that applies to all concepts of storms" I joked back

Our smiles quickly faded, turning to hesitation and silence. This was the point in time I was going to have to tell him why I had asked for him to drop by for a conversation.

"I haven't forgiven you, not just yet" I began "But I have been persuaded into understanding why and how everything happened"

I shuffled my feet "I've tried to move on, forget all of this happened, but I can't. It's been a whole lot harder to go back to normal than I thought it would be. I guess that it's because that deep down, I don't want things to go entirely back to normal"

Phoenix remained still, watching me carefully as he listened

"I think you and I both know that something is going on between us" I averted my gaze, becoming nervous "But you've destroyed whatever trust I did have for you, and that trust that I did have for you, was completely based on lies"

"It wasn't-"

I put my hands up to stop him "I know, I know that most of what you told me, most of who you were, was honest, but that doesn't make it right. But what we have now, is the opportunity to do that. To make it right. If that's what you want?"

He seemed surprised, which is what I had somewhat expected. I was handing out a pass to him, to move on from the lies and betrayal. This was a one time pass, and it would only ever be handed out once.

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