rant, memories, and thank you's.

reflection

I used to know this guy.

I hate that sentence.

I hate it because the key word is 'used'.

I used to hate him.

But he loved me, or so he said.

I hated him because I was scared of love and told him we were too young to love.

I was so mean to him.

You don't even understand.

I made him feel so small and I made him cry more times than I can count on my hands.

We dated once though.

He cheated on me.

I hated him more.

I didn't realize it was my fault.

Don't pity me and think 'what a poor girl, feeling like it's her fault for his mistakes' Because it was my fault.

I know that it's my fault, because he told one of my guy friends, 'don't date her, she is horrid.'.

He told my friend that it was my fault and I realized it kinda was.

I noticed him a lot more and realized my growing crush on him.

I saw him happy and I saw him smile.

And I saw that he was never the one that lost, but I was.

I lost an amazing guy and I regret it.

No, I'm not depressed about it, but I do regret it.

I wish I wasn't so scared and I just went up to him and told him I was sorry, but I can't, because I'm worried that he'll be my friend again and I'll break him.

Not only that, but I worry that I'll fall for him more than I already have.