~Andy's POV~
I slowly came to, again, later on. It was probably around noon now, but my head still hurt and my hips and ass were aching. "Fuck." I grumbled, my throat hurt pretty bad too. I looked down at my naked body and cringed at the various scars littering my skin before I looked at the male beside me.
This had to be a joke, right? I couldn't have actually slept with him? I'm so fucking dead- why of all people did I have to sleep with none other than Ashley Purdy. He was going to kill me, he would probably beat me up, I tried to get up, but he was holding me down with the weight of his sleeping body against mine, arm around my waist.
"Nggh... stop moving..." He moaned, holding me, pulling me closer, against his body so my back was against his chest. I couldn't deny the fact that it felt nice to be held, especially in this way. Made me feel like I was cared for, but I knew he was going to kick me out as soon as he realised who I was. I was just waiting for it.
"Morning doll." Ashley whispered into my ear, pressing kisses against the back of my neck, I didn't want to reply in fear of him yelling at me for sleeping with him. "You probably want some painkillers, right?" Ashley asked me, rubbing my hips gently. "I was a little rough, I think."
"Yeah..." I whispered in reply, waiting for Ashley to do something, to yell at me like I thought he would. But that moment never came, he just continued to hold me against his body.
"I know you probably don't want any, but I'm going to make breakfast, go get yourself a shower then get dressed and come through to the kitchen." Ashley murmured, squeezing my hip before I felt him get up, watched him pull on a pair of boxers and wander out the room.
I felt dazed, Ashley wasn't mad at me for sleeping with him? He seemed pretty happy with himself for managing it. I shook the thought off though and got up, my body shaking, it was fucking freezing in here. But I pushed through it and went to the bathroom, jumping in the shower, turning the water up high to warm my freezing, skinny body.
I stayed there for a little while, eventually working up the energy to wash my hair and actually use the soap. Once I finished up with that, I got out and brushed my teeth, I wanted the taste of last night out of my mouth. I dragged myself to my room, pulling on some sweats and leaving my hair to air dry, I wasn't planning on leaving the room today, I didn't feel like it with this hang over.
By the time I got to the kitchen, the food was dished up and Ashley was sat waiting. He gave me some painkillers when I sat down, so I thanked him and swallowed them before beginning to eat the breakfast he'd made for me. I was very grateful that he was being so nice; maybe it meant he wasn't such a douche after all? One can only hope.
"So, about last night." I started, looking up at him once I was sure we'd both finished our food. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. "What... what was..." I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say. "What did it mean to you?" I asked him eventually. I felt hopeful, it seemed like he would say what I wanted to hear.
"Well, it was a one night stand, didn't mean much?" Ashley shrugged, looking back at me like that night didn't matter at all to him and suddenly I felt so small and stupid for thinking he'd actually want me in that way. I'd given into his touch and let him see me in the most vulnerable way when I'd promised myself I wouldn't let myself get sucked in.
"Oh." Was all I could say. I don't think I could explain the feeling of my stomach sinking, my eyes were watering and I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw up everything I'd eaten. That night, that sex had meant a lot to me really, it was the first time I'd done anything with anybody after I'd been raped countless times by that man in return for the drugs I'd been living off of.
"Mm, I'm up for it again anytime you want though, it was good." Ashley smirked at me; he clearly didn't feel any attachment to the subject or to me for that matter.
"Uh yeah..." I muttered in response, I stood up, "I don't feel good, I'm going to lie down, don't come into my room." I announced to him before turning and leaving, going to my own bedroom. As soon as the door was shut, I sank down, my back against the door as broken sobs escaped from my lips.
I wish I hadn't seen so much in him, I thought he could have really been a good guy, but I guess I was just blinded by my affection for him. He was a dickhead and I couldn't change that no matter how much I wanted to.
All I could do was sit there and cry, I felt pathetic, I was 20 years old, I shouldn't be crying over some guy like a teenage girl. No wonder I didn't tend to gain many friends, I was weak and pathetic, no one wanted that in a friend.
I would have to try and move on, but I knew that would be difficult, I'm bad at letting go of things, I hold on till it's ruined completely, till there's nothing to even go back to after I break it. It's mostly always me that destroys my relationships with others, I try to fix it, I try my hardest to make it work, but they always seem to crumble in my hands leaving me feeling awful and empty while the other skips off without a care in the fucking world.
I was a bitter man, I got angry and upset over small things, I knew that, but I couldn't control it, I just let myself go, let myself give in to the stupid thoughts I had. That's why my body was littered in scars, why I'd turned to drugs as a way to relax when I felt so stressed all the time.
I had moved to my bed and I was listening to music, crying and feeling sorry for myself. I honestly only wanted love and affection, if I didn't get anything other than that I'd be fine, I'd be able to survive that way. But at this rate it seemed like I was going to end up with nothing at all. Love would be the cause of my death.
"Fuck this." I muttered to myself, curling up tightly in my bedsheets, trying hard not to think about how much Ashley didn't love me and probably never would. I fell far too hard and far too fast, but I couldn't help it, I couldn't control my feelings, they always spiralled out of control.
The day passed on uneventfully, Ashley didn't bother disturbing me, but he'd gotten friends to come over and hang, I could hear them all laughing, it was like they were making fun of me, mocking me for being lonely and weak.
Night time came and my mood hadn't changed, I felt worse if that was anything to count. This feeling sucked and it wasn't leaving.
AN://
I'm so mean to Andy, whoops....
I'm getting really into Pierce The Veil and Kellic again... send help.
But anyways, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter...
~Jinxxthejinxxer ^,..,^
