Mockingjay: Peeta's POV

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

As the sun falls below the horizon, everyone heads either into tents or drags their sleeping bags away from me to sleep. I have a feeling that everyone is attempting to avoid me. Afraid that I'm going to kill them.

I'm given a sleeping bag myself, that I set in front of the fire. Two members of my squad come over and sit down by the fire watching me. My guess is that they were told to watch me. To make sure I don't try to kill anyone in their sleep. Or that I don't go insane in the middle of the night. I hold back another huff. I guess I earned everyone's distrust of me.

"Soldier Mellark!" Boggs barks at me.

I look up to see him standing nearby.

"Sleep out in full view of everyone," he says.

As he turns and starts to walk away I mutter to myself. "Like anyone wants me to sleep anywhere near them anyways."

A short time later Finnick approaches me. "Hey, Peeta."

"Finnick." He's cheerful. Well as cheerful as someone who's out in a battle field can be.

"I know you're going through a tough time, Peeta. That's why I thought I'd give you this.," Finnick says, producing a small length of rope from his pocket and handing it to me.

"What's this for?" I question, examining the length of rope in my hand.

"You tie knots in it. It helped me when . . . well before we got you back from the Capitol," Finnick explains.

I nod my head. I'm not sure how a rope will help me, but at least he's being nice to me.

"Just try it. It helped me. It might be able to help you," Finnick says before walking away, back to his sleeping bag.

I fiddle with the rope some before tying a knot. Then untying it. This helped Finnick? How?

~M:PPOV~

Around midnight Katniss crawls out of a tent. Must be her to turn to stand guard or whatever. They've been changing the guards every four hours. I've continued to make knots in the rope. Still not seeing what Finnick saw in this small piece of rope. How is this therapeutic? Maybe he should have explained that to me?

After about an hour, I can't help but speak up about what's been on my mind since Katniss came out of that tent. "These last couple of years must have been exhausting for you. Trying to decide whether to kill me or not. Back and forth. Back and forth."

"I never wanted to kill you. Except when I thought you were helping the Careers kill me. After that, I always thought of you as . . . an ally," Katniss says.

"Ally," I say. That's different. "Friend. Lover. Victor. Enemy. Fiancée. Target. Mutt. Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally. I'll add it to the list of words I use to try to figure you out," I say, running through the list in my mind. It's all so confusing. "The problem is, I can't tell what's real anymore, and what's made up."

The breathing around me breaks it's rhythm. Most of them haven't been asleep at all. To afraid of me. To afraid I'll attack them in their sleep.

"Then you should ask, Peeta. That's what Annie does," Finnick's voice rises from behind me.

"Ask who? Who can I trust?" I ask, mostly to myself.

"Well, us for starters. We're your squad," a man I've learned to be named Jackson says.

"You're my guards," I point out.

"That, too. But you saved a lot of lives in Thirteen. It's not the kind of thing we forget," Jackson says.