I tapped my pencil on my desk nervously, as i watched the hand on the clock, count each second. This class has 3 minutes left but its feeling like a life time. I looked to the right and out the window but winced as soon as i did, it was so bright out side because of the snow. I looked back at the clock and counted down in my head. I stood up as the bell rang and hurried out the door, Not only am i ready to leave but i have had enough stress today, i just want to be able to walk to my car with out someone picking on me......i guess that thought was just to good to be true. I turned the corner and walk down the hallway that lead to the stair case on the east end of the school that no one uses. I opened the door and walked down the stairs. I got to the bottom and opened the door only to see Kaylee and Derrick. I gulped and tried to walk past them with out them saying anything but that didn't really work out.
"Hey Fatty!" Kaylee said as I kept walking, I started to walk a little faster and tried to ignore her.
"I know you didn't just ignore me bitch." I heard her start to walk behind me. I walked faster and pushed open the door to outside I walked out to student parking and saw Ms. Montgomery talking to a student, thank the lord there was a teacher out here. I zipped my jacket and grabbed my keys out of my pocket as jogged to my car. I unlocked the door and got in. I closed the door behind me and locking all of them as I saw Kaylee getting closer. She tried opening my door, but it didn't work.
"Open up Chicken!" She said as I stuck the key in the ignition and turned on the music so I couldn't hear her mumbling through the glass. I put the car in drive and pulled out as she jumped back so she wouldn't get her feet ran over, I sighed as I pulled out of the lot and headed home. I hate my life.
I didn't feel like getting in to a lot of traffic so I took the back roads. I pulled up to a little 4 way stop and looked left then looked right to see a dude from my 4 block English class, Michael, I think his name is, anyways he was on the side of the road trying to start his car. Why the fuck does he not have a jacket on, its freezing outside. After sitting there for a second I hit the blinker up and turned right, I pulled around so that my car was facing his, popped my trunk and got out. His eyes grew big when he saw my car, he quickly regained himself and looked at me and slightly smiled, which Is weird. Nobody ever looks at me and smiles. I grabbed the jumpers from the trunk and put them on the hooks where they were suppose to go. I turned my car on and he did the same. He pressed the gas and it started. He got out of his car while I grabbed the hooks. After closing the hood, he turned around to me as I put the jumpers back in the trunk and closed my hood also.
"Thank you so much, I'm trying to go pick up my best friend from the airport, and now I'm late." He said .I nodded trying not to say anything. He looked at me like he was trying to figure out who i was, he gave up and looked at my car.
"Nice car, I always wanted a Range Rover." He said looking at my shiny yet snow flake covered car. I nodded my head, amazed that he didn't recognize me. He just looked down so, I just turned my heel as I walked to the drivers side and got in. He looked around and got in his car also, probably hoping that no one saw us actually having a conversation, I wouldn't blame him. I drove off trying to not make eye contact with him and went on my way. I pulled up to my house and opened the garage, parking in there. I took off my jacket and left it in the car, then walked inside and headed down stairs to the basement where my room was. I tossed my bag in the corner and shuffled my feet to the desk in the corner. I sat my keys and phone down before I opened the top drawer and looked around in there, erasers, pencils, markers.......A Ha! I found it. I grabbed the little hand-held pencil sharpener and took my nail and unscrewed the little tiny screw. I took the screw out and turned the sharpener up side down as the razor blade fell out. I grabbed it and made my way toward the bathroom. I pushed my jeans down so the fell to the floor around my ankles. I hopped on the counter and ran my fingers, over the scars on my right thigh. "UGLY" written in what was suppose to be cursive. "FAT" written in capital letters. "DISGUSTING" written just regularly. I looked over at my left thigh. "WORTHLESS" barely able to read, the scar was so light because I was the first time that I cut myself and I didn't go down that far. I gripped the razor as I started to cut my leg. I looked back at the word when I was finished. "PATHETIC" I rinsed of the razor and grabbed a towel from the drawer, the towel was already stained with blood from recent times. I only cut places though that people couldn't see. i stepped out all the way of the jeans worried that I would trip and make my self known. I swear I could drop a pen and my brother would check on me. I grabbed the razor that was already rinsed off and walked back in the room. I put the razor back on the sharpener and screwed in the little screw. I threw it back in the drawer and sighed. I shuffled over toward my closed where there was a full length mirror. I lifted up my shirt and looked at my self. I couldn't bare looking at something so gross anymore. I turned around so I couldn't see myself anymore. I hate myself so much. I wish that I could just end my life here it wo-
"Kids Im home" My mom yelled from upstairs. She's a single mother and tries to do anything that she can for me and my brother, but she's out with her 'boyfriend' all the time. Why the 'Air quotes' around Boyfriend...because, I saw him like a month ago biting on some girls ear lobe when I stopped in this restraint to get some stuff. Why don't you tell your mom?? I've tried, trust me....she doesn't believe me! I sighed snapping out of my thoughts as I walked through the hanging beads that lead into my closet. I grabbed a t-shirt and a some sweat pants, putting them on. I walked back out and grabbed a hair tie and putting my hair up in a messy bun. I slid my hands in my sweat pockets and rubbed my cuts through the fabric. I sighed as I made my way to the door, heading up the 18 stairs as I walked the living room only to turn the corner and go up more stairs to where my mother and my brother's rooms are. People always say that they love my house and I have a big home, but that's the point...its not a home! To me it's just a big building that I live in, no love, not the type of place that you come to for a good home cooked meal, because around here, I'm the cook. Mom comes home from work, changes clothes, then leaves. Every night before she leaves she says "Love you, there's 20 bucks on the table for pizza." then she leaves. She usually doesn't get back till like 4 am in the morning, then wakes up, goes to work...then it starts all over again. I sighed when I got to the top of the stairs and walked down to my brothers room. He's a 3 year younger than me, but thinks he has to look out for me because he knows that I cut. I knocked twice then stood there, I heard some shuffling, then the door opened. He gave me a forced smile.
"hey." He said as he looked at me up and down, then a frown formed on his face like he felt bad for me, he knows that I was just cutting. I gave a slight smile and shifted my weight from one foot to the other.
"What do you want for dinner tonight?" I asked, he shrugged his shoulders.
"Spaghetti sounds good!" He said lightly. I looked at him and forced me self to smile, He tried to smile but the frown over powered.
"Whats wrong?" I asked as he looked a me really hurt. He shook his head, but I glared at him telling him to tell me.
"I-i Im worried about you Jada, I just want you to be okay." He said his words cracking at times.
"Hey, come here." I said grabbing his shoulder bringing him in to a hug, He hugged me as i felt his back shake, he cried into my chest and hugged me tighter.
"Logan, your 14, you need to stop beating your self up because of what im doing. Okay?" He nodded his head as i pulled back from the hug. I looked in to his puffy eyes and put on a fake smile before kissing his forehead.
"I love you Logan, You know that right?" I said as he nodded and hugged me again.
"I love you too." He whispered as he let go and walked back in his room. I closed his door and backed up, putting my back to the wall. I sighed and ran my hand over my face, then to the back of my neck, biting the inside of my cheek. I sighed regaining strength to do something and walked down stairs to the kitchen. I walked in to the kitchen opening a cabinet, grabbed a pan and put water in it, then laid it on the stove. I heard heels and peeped around the corner as my mom looked in the mirror, she put her last earring in her ear. as she looked at her self. I stood up strait rolling my eyes as she opened the door,
"Love you, there's 20 bucks on the table for pizza." I mouthed to what she said, I felt myself grip the counter as i started to get mad,I've heard that stupid line 87,000 times, I cant take it, she not even a mom, she just had us, then made us grow up on our own. She says that im ungrateful because she buys me everything that i want and stuff,but that's not the point, I don't care if i have this 3 story house, or an Iphone 5s or an apple laptop in my room with a flat screen in the corner. I want a Mother, a loving, caring mother that takes care of me. I got so wound up, that i grabbed the box of noodles throwing it across the room, i watched as it hit the wall, busting open as uncooked noodles went everywhere, Logan came running down the stairs and just looked at the mess. I sighed and grabbed the broom. I started to sweep but Logan grabbed the broom handle.
"Let me, Just make dinner, I'll clean this up." He said as i looked down disappointed in my self. I nodded handing him the broom as i grabbed another box of noodles.
YOU ARE READING
INSECURE // Chris Brown Story
FanfictionIm fat and ugly and honestly I don't know why I was ever created but hopefully I find a purpose soon, I would hate to take away something that was meant to be beautiful, but is so ugly, that at first glance, you'd think its a monster. Life.
