Damaged

16 | lost

I open my eyes to a dark, quiet room. Where the fuck am I? 

Alarmed, I sit up quickly on the bed and feel a wave of nausea washing over me immediately afterwords. I bring my knees to my chest and place my head on my arms, trying to push past the fogginess in my head. When I feel it getting somewhat better, I slowly lift my head away from my arms and look around to try to see where am I.

As I'm looking at the foreign room, Ava opens the door and walks in while drinking from a water bottle. I sigh in relief, feeling my muscles relax and look at her. Her eyes fix on mine and she raises an eyebrow in surprise.

"You okay?" She sits on the bed and looks at me with a concerned expression.

"Not really. I feel like I've just came back from the dead," I rub my aching head and Ava laughs at me.

"Well, almost that. You were so hammered last night that you couldn't walk straight. I don't even know how we brought you up here, Mika and I were pretty wasted too," She shakes her head and I try to imagine the scene of both of them trying to bring me up here.

"I don't even remember arriving here last night," I frown, " I actually don't remember much from the party."

Ava looks at me unbelievingly and then laughs, "Oh god. Okay, we need Mika here. Come on."

She stands up and waits for me to do so. I get on my two feet, feeling relatively stable, and we leave the dark room. We slept on the guest room down the hall and we walk towards Mika's bedroom which is next door. Ava opens the door and we see Mika lounging on the couch with the TV on. Three trays of overflowing food are placed on the glass table in front of her, the smell of maple syrup wafting into the air.

Ava and I sit on the couch opposite of hers and Mika looks me with surprise, "Luna! I thought you wouldn't wake for hours. Here, grab a tray,have some breakfast."

I grab one of the gold gilded tray and place it on my lap. I cut a price of a pancake which is placed on the bottom of a stack and savor the delicious taste of it. Ava tells Mika that they needed to fill me in on everything that happened last night and Mika laughs.

"You left quite the impression on everyone from school last night," Mika wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh god, what did I do?"

"Well, first of all we played never have I ever and the three of us were left drunk afterwords. Then, we played a match of beer pong with these jocks from school and we lost, badly, getting even drunker."

I vaguely remember trying to throw the small ball into the cups and not managing to get it right even once.

"I remember that the three of us were together and then Mika here," Ava smirks at her and Mika blushes, looking down, "...Was making out with this cute guy for the rest of the party. Some girls from class called me and when I turned by back you literally disappeared."

"At about three AM, Ava and I started looking for you and nobody had seen you." Mika looks at me, "I swear we went into every room in that gigantic mansion but we couldn't find you. Then, we went to the the pool house and saw your dress on the floor..."

"Oh god," I place my head on my arms and close my eyes, images from last night coming back to me.

"It was intense. Nick was all over you and things were getting serious. We saw that you were completely trashed and we got you out of there before anything else happened."

I look at both of them and smile, "I'm literally mortified but thank you guys, If you didn't show up, I don't know what would have happened."

They smile and we eat our breakfast while we talk about last night. My memory from the incident is completely different. I can still feel his stubble and his lips trailing my jaw with blazing kisses. I remember the euphoric feeling inside of me and the unbelievable intensity in his dark eyes along with a lustfully whispered word. Alexander.

The silky name invades my thoughts and i'm left breathless with the memory. Was it really my mind playing tricks on me, a product of  the alcohol i took? His feathery hair felt so real against my fingers...

We finish breakfast and decide to spend the day by the pool. Mika lends us some of her bikinis an the three of us go downstairs towards the backyard. The enormous pool is adorned by a wooden platform filled with sun chairs. The pool house is elevated and the glass walls make the modern den visible from outside.

We spend the rest of the day detoxing from the previous day and sun bathing under the September sun. During the afternoon Ava receives a text from Charlie and he invites her to go out next weekend, but she says that we have the homecoming dance. Charlie says that he'll take her to the dance and I smile at the glow that lights Ava's face up.

I leave Mika's house at about six thirty PM and head towards mine. The sky is starting to darken, the bright colors appearing in the golden sky. I grab a pack of cigarettes from the passenger seat and light one as I stop on a red light. My chest feels constricted with anxiety and my throat seems swollen. Sunset always manages to make my feel bad.

I light another one and feel myself shudder unexpectedly. I turn my car around and drive aimlessly through the streets, I can't deal with going home right now. I suddenly feel my mind going blank and my hands start to shake violently on the wheel. Before I do something stupid I park my car in the first available spot I find and with shaking hands I manage to get outside.

I've forgotten how bad anxiety attacks can be. The cold air hits me and I start shaking even more because of the cold. I walk through the street while hugging myself, not seeing anything, dread consuming me.

I blindly find a bench and sit on the rough wooden surface. I pull my knees to my chest feeling it hard to breathe. I start crying with desperation and dread, feeling fucking crazy. It's all coming back. The pain is going to come back, i'm going to get bad again. 

I focus on the side walk in front of me, trying to calm down and take control over my body again. My arms are shaking now and I can't hold my legs against my chest anymore and they fall to the floor. I feel pathetic, a lunatic mess of a person unable to do anything. It gets increasingly hard to breathe and I feel like passing out.

"Oh fuck," I listen someone say, "Okay Luna, stay with me."

I try to focus on the voice calling me and It's familiarity is the last thing I think about before the darkness takes me.