When Dusk Hits

Take a Piece of Advice From a Demon... or Two

"KAGURA!"
I lunge forward in a panic, breathing heavily.
Before I knew it, I wake up to the morning light creeping into the room and beckoning my eyes awake. I yawn and stretch, glancing around, realizing I fell asleep. Looking around, I realize the mess I made last night looking at every piece of memory I had of Kagura. The areas around my eyes feel tight, and I notice a suspiciously damp corner on my pillow. Tracing my finger along the shiny, bejeweled key, I whisper "Please come back, Kagura...  there was so much I wanted to do with you." I gaze at it for just a for more moments when suddenly...
Woosh.
The sliding of the door to my room catches my attention. Hijikata and Kondo exchange glances at each other. Finally, Kondo speaks, "The Yorozuya came by to ask us to join them at a gathering."
"Why would they want us there?"
"Because your favorite China girl is coming back to Earth." Kondo grins widely, raising his eyebrows up and down at me.
"I hate that ugly pig. Favorite? I could care less about her." I turn away from Kondo, giving him my most convincing disapproving look. I sneak a glance as I hear the slow footsteps leave the room. Kondo has left, but Hijikata is still there. He smirks when he catches my gaze. "What are you still doing here? Get out Hijibaka-San."
"Look, I watched you guys over the course of many years now..." Hijikata ignores my groaning and proceeds to sit cross legged on the floor, "I can tell you care about her at least."
"Not in the slightest. What do you know? Don't act like you know me."
"I've watched you grow up too, the hell are you talking about when you say I don't know you? I know you. I know more about you than I care to know."
"...Y-you..." I turn to him angrily, blood rushing to my face, "You don't know a damn thing! You don't understand our relationship, you aren't her."
"I don't have to be her to know. From an outside perspective, I could see everything that was going on. You love her, Sougo. I can see it. I can see you're just scared of rejection, you're scared of things changing and ruining the relationship you have with her now."
"That's not-"
"No, don't even try to deny it. It's so obvious. If you keep this relationship going like this you're going to lead her on and disappoint her. Imagine her feeling the same way you do; confused and going through constant cycles of hurt because you want something more yet you keep it contained. It could end even worse not even trying to solidify anything. What's the point of the non-committal affection?"
Hijikata was right, but I refuse to believe it.
"What do you know about relationships anyway, Hijikata-San? You can't even get laid."
"I know more than you. I loved her for so many years before she passed. You know this." Hijikata gives out an exasperated sigh, his brows furrow in frustration as he says this.
"I know that you did... I hate you for it." My eyes begin to water, thinking of Mitsuba.
"Listen, I'm not telling you this to tell you about how wrong you are. I'm not trying to be your enemy when I say you should change how you are treating Kagura. I could care less for the both of you idiots, but I don't want you to meet to the same fate I did. You never know when you lose her for good." With that, Hijikata clears his throat, and leaves the room quietly.

*****************************************

Damn it. I kick a rock into a pond. The hell does he know anyway? I snap a branch off a tree and begin hitting more rocks into the pond. I stare longingly into the blues of the water. It flows smoothly as the water cascades into a small streaming waterfall into an even bigger lake. Each rock I hit in disturbs the peace of the water, rippling outward further and further.
A group of dragonflies gather and hover above a section of the water. I whack a rock in that direction, the bugs disperse as it soars towards them. One of the dragonflies flutters past me behind a tree, I follow it's path with my gaze. It has a beautiful cerulean blue tail, which feels very familiar to me somehow. It lands on a glinting silver object. I walk towards it, curiously watching the dragonfly. But then, the silver object shakes, and then moves from it's place. Gintoki peers from around the tree, I realize he had been sitting in a fetal position with his head bowed. "Ah, Souichirou."
"It's Sougo." Gintoki shakes his head and waves his hand.  He pats beside him on the ground.
"You know she's coming back, right? Why don't you look more excited?" Gintoki looks at me with his dead fish eyes, head slightly tilted in a questioning manner.
"Yeah, I heard today."
"You look troubled." Gintoki holds out his hand, and the dragonfly with the blue tail lands on it. He guides it in his hand and it eventually walks onto his index finger.
"How could you tell?"
"Well, I wouldn't say you seemed normal or happy when you were grunting and kicking rocks into the water over there." I blushed, and folded my arms around my chest.
"Well, I can't say you're wrong." Gintoki looks at me expectantly. I shake my head.
"Are you worried about seeing her?" Gintoki sighs, propping his head up with his free hand.
"No..." I say, burying my head into my arms. "I'm not worried about seeing her... I've been wanting to see her. Everyday. Waiting for her has felt like the longest thing I've ever had to do in life." I look up at Gintoki, his eyes are open wide.
"You've grown Souichirou. I'm impressed."
"It's Sougo."
"Well, you waited all this time. Didn't date any girls since she left even though a fangirl of yours would've jumped at the opportunity. If you're excited to see her, and you saved yourself, then what's bothering you?"
"Yeah... I did all that. What's bothering me is if she did the same."
"How would you feel if she did?"
"...I wouldn't be okay with it."
"Well then show her you're not okay with it for once. Your guys' relationship was so confusing to everyone. It's obvious how you feel towards each other, but you two had to make it so complicated because you were scared of commitment." His words pierced through me like a dagger. My heart stopped for a second, my entire body froze and felt like it ceased functioning. "That's why she ended your casual relationship before."
"You knew about that..?"
"Yeah, how you guys were 'secretly dating'. I'm her earth father, after all."
"...that's just how we did things. She preferred it that way. Hell, she seemed excited to agree to keeping it secret."
"You sure about that?" Gintoki raises his eyebrow and has a smug look on his face. "She'd cry to me every other night about how confused she was. The secret dating was only established in the first place to make you happy. She was really excited that you paid her some kind of affection, but she was anxious to fall in love with you because she thought you would never love her. Little did she know, she already was." I felt a pain in my chest as he spoke, I felt the dark wispy legs of dread crawl all throughout me.
"She couldn't have been in love with me..."
"That's what I thought, too, when she would talk to me about you all of the time. You guys were always fighting each other until you collapsed and insulted each other to no end. You're a childish man. I don't know what she sees in you."
"If you think that about me, then what's the point of you talking to me right now?" My face reddens as I'm overcome with anger. I feel embarrassed, I had been so vulnerable to only be faced with ridicule.
"...I could only guess what she sees in you," Gintoki looks down with a half smile creeping on his face, his expression softening, "when you first met her, she had no womanly charm, she was loud, ate too damn much, and picked her nose in public. Maybe, in you, she sees herself. She sees a worthy opponent, a best friend, someone with a troubled background but carries a childlike humor and competitive nature. I'm talking to you about her, because only somebody like you can handle such a girl like that. Normally, I would be threatening you to not get close to her like that, but I can't do that anymore. I learned the last time she had a boyfriend, she's going to grow up, and go through many boyfriends. I can't shield her now that she's grown up. So the next best thing I can do, is ask the man she wants to be with to take over for me." He stands up and stretches his arms, looking into the sun. He gently blows on the dragonfly's wings and it quickly flaps it's wings away, soaring off in to distance. With a swift nod and smile in my direction, he begins to turn his back towards me.
"Wait- how do you know if she even wants that from me anymore? What if she found somebody while she was away?"
"Well, that's for you to find out isn't it? Maybe this will give you enough reason to go welcome her back home." Gintoki walked away nonchalantly, his hair gleaming in the broad daylight. The click of his boots get quieter as he walks along the pavement in his nonchalant manner. I stare at the ground in front of me, thinking about everything he and Hijikata had said earlier.
I've made my decision. I'm going to see her.