When Dusk Hits

Hungover With Regrets

Things did go well with Kagura and I, for a little while at least. After the New Years incident, I felt like we had turned a new leaf over between us. And we both knew we couldn't really go back to the way things used to be. We... leaped over the bounds of what a usual friendship should have been. So with that, we started, somewhat dating. Well, secretly. It wasn't all that I imagined dating was cut out to be.

Flashback

"Ne, can we talk?" Kagura grabs my sleeve and tugs it gently.
"About what?"
"Us... what are we? What am I to you?"
"You're..." I shift and fidget around with my fingers, "important to me." My voice lowers to a point where it's hardly audible.
"Yeah, you are to me too." I glance at her and she bashfully covers her face. She smiles shyly, "I've been thinking lately, about some of the things that you've done for me and told me," I nod at her for reassurance and she continues, "and I realized that the way I feel about you is different from everyone else. You're a different kind of important." She then peers at me, searching for a response. Her leg shakes, but she hides her nervousness and looks at me expectantly. I gulp what seemingly felt like a rock and I could feel it's entire journey down to my stomach, and it plunged and sank quickly to the bottom.
"You make me feel ways that I've never felt around anyone else, too, but I've known so for a long time, Kagura."
"R-really? I never really understood what made me so happy yet nervous to be with you, but it just came to me. And even though you told me that I don't have to find the kisses important if I don't want to... I still do. Because they were from you..." We both blushed deeply. She giggles, then turns away, letting loose strands of hair fall in her face.
"So you're saying...?" I look at her, feeling hopeful, yet nervous. Is this really happening?
"We should try dating... I... I don't have experience with this at all, but I think I want to try."
"I'm going to be honest, I've never really consistently dated a girl, are you sure?"
"I don't think I can be sure with things like this, I don't know a thing about love. But," she looks at me, with determination in her eyes and her fists balled up. She gently places her hand on my thigh, "something tells me that if it's with you, it'll be okay."

We laid there for awhile, close together, but not too close. Kagura hesitantly reaches for my hand, and after a little fumbling, they become intertwined. My thumb gently traces over the back of her smooth hand. "We're dating, that's such a strange thing to say." I nod at her remark, and pull her closer to me.
"Let's not tell anyone." We say in unison, and turn to face each other with grins on our faces.
"This is just an experiment, after all." She remarks, then looks at me intently. Her face quickly transitioned from a goofy one to a more solemn one. The drawn out seconds pass by.
"Yeah..." I nod, after a moment of hesitation, "we're not serious about this relationship."
"Exactly." She breathes deeply, breaking eye contact. For a second, I felt as if she secretly hoped I would refuse to agree with what she had said, and tell her I want more from the relationship than just "experimenting". But, the idea quickly died off in my head. Maybe, secretly that's what I hoped she was thinking, because my feelings for her are different from her feelings for me.
She lays her head and my chest, making me aware of the rate my heart was beating. This is nice, I think while laying there. I begin to run my fingers through her hair and I feel her breathing slow. Well, aside from my hands feeling really sweaty. She shifts and I feel her weight further sink into me. Maybe I don't need a serious relationship. As long as I have this, I would be happy. Her breath, now, very slow. I examine her face and see her sleeping, blushing face slighty buried in my chest. I brush her hair out of her face and touch her cheeks gently.
"Please let me have this forever." I smile, tousling her hair once more. I then proceed to uncap a marker, "You should know better than to let your guard down." Laughing sadistically, I draw on her face.

************************************

Honestly, things were going great. We spent all of our time together, keeping up the facade of a rivalry one moment, later to be completely emotionally vulnerable with one another in the next. I continue to think, is it okay to feel like this? It's been so long for me, that I could put trust in another person, and I do so much that I wonder if I shouldn't. I finally feel... comfort.
We both sit side by side, my arm around her protectively. Her head rests against my chest, and we both involuntarily smile. My right hand moves to pat her head, and I feel her shift to look up towards me. Her vibrant doe eyes stare through my soul. I feel heat rush into my face when our gazes fix upon one another. We kiss, sending chills up my spine and a tingling sensation rushing through the blood in my body. I felt it in my fingertips, when I caressed her cheek and pulled her closer to me. Her fingers run through my hair as she intensifies the kiss. I eventually manage to pull away, a little scared to escalate it any further. I kiss her on the cheek and she then rests her head in the nook of my neck. "I like your warmth." She murmurs and holds me tighter.