How To Be Happy

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Dear journal,

I guess as much as we would like to we can’t control every aspect of our lives. We control a lot of it but we can’t control when or where we were born, how we were raised or who our family is. Some things life decides, some fate decides. And if you’re into that kind of thing, some things the universe decides.

What I’m trying to say is, I went to visit mum again today and I asked her about dad.

My father who I don’t like to admit is related to me but nothing I do can change the fact that he is my dad.

“Do you know where he is now?”

“Caroline darling, I don’t understand why you want anything to do with that man”

“I’m just curious; I want to know if he still remembers me”

“He did not stay to look after you as a child and even now as I am in this cell he’s not here to be there for you! Why would you want to contact such a father?”

“I won’t speak to him; I just want to see him”

A sigh from mum then said “He still works at the same dentist, 72 Brillnoch Avenue”

We spoke for a while longer then I left, I don’t know why I wanted to see my dad to be honest, probably to see how he was doing while mum was in jail and I was in a care home.

As it turns out, Google said the dentist was near my care home and it was only an hour walk or a 20 minutes cycle journey away. So I borrowed one of the care home’s older boy’s bike without asking.

After 23 minutes I arrived at the dentist my father worked at. Funnily enough I arrived just in time as the dentist was closing and the staff that worked there was shuffling slowly out of the building.

I hid behind a bush, I know, typical. I almost immediately recognised my father when he came into sight. My memories at ten were a little fuzzy but you don’t forget someone like your fleeting dad when you’re ten.

Everyone else started to get into cars while he kept walking on. ‘Wait he’s walking?’

Ten minutes later of walking he turned left into the front garden of a house which I assumed is his house now.

This time I hid behind a tree and left the bike near the wall. Then did I notice there were two females in the garden. One was young, perhaps a few years younger than my dad; the other was merely a toddler, perhaps 2 or 3. The child called out “Daddy!” as soon as she seen him return and jumped into his arms. Then the woman went over to him and kissed him on the lips.

The whole summer scene with a couple and their daughter in real life looked like a beautiful ending from a movie and something I would have cooed at if it was in fact a movie scene or if I was passing by.

However it was not, this was my father. In movies the good guys have a happy ending and the bad guys get what they deserve. In my life the bad guy got a happy ending while I was stuck in a care home and my mum was in jail.

I clenched my hands into fists with the feeling of being replaced. Sadness was not present; just anger and disappointment.

The baby will never know she has a sister unless her daddy dearest tells him and already she looks like a daddy’s girl. Also little will she know that her happiness took away mines.

 I took one last look at the artificial looking happy family scene and the two girls that stole my father which took away the days my mum was happy.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be so sour or jealous but it’s near impossible not to be in my situation. But now I have forgiven him even though he did not ask for it. It’s unhealthy to hold grudges.

Even though I had not much control at all over my father’s actions, I can choose how I react to his actions. And I done what I knew was best, to accept and move on.

~~~~~

Boo!

Sorry for the break of updates but i had my prelims and now they're all done so I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

It's so close to Christmas! :D I don't think i'll be updating again before then so if I don't I hope you all have a merry Christmas :D and to those that don't celebrate Christmas have a merry day too!

To get into the spirit of Christmas if you aren't already, One more sleep- Leona Lewis

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