Thoughts.. I guess?

Promises.

I don't know about any of you guys with promises. But If I make a promise I keep it no matter the circumstances i am in. If I promise to be there for people to fall back on bet your ass I'm there whenever they need it. If I promise to do something I'm going to do it.

But I've been promised so many things and I've heard "I promise I won't break this" so many times. I've been promised, honesty, faithfulness & loyalty before but not one kept those promises. So I'm to the point where I don't believe anything anymore.

It's funny because I could never break a promise when so many people do.... but then I guess "I promise" is just a couple of words that no one really cares to hold up.

Promises used to mean the world to me until now. And the more I look back on people I have let into my life only one actually followed through even if I was fed by that time, I pushed the person away and I don't regret it.

Another thing, I'm numb. Number than I've ever been. I could do so much and not give a shit about the consequences I'd have to face afterwards. I don't feel anything. I'm back to that girl each and everyone of you have seen at one point or another. I feel like I did after Jake died I feel like I could do everything over again only a lot worse and more frequently. I just don't care anymore. If I could throw the flag in I would. I'd give up on everything, I'd give up on life because what's the point anymore? The world would still go on. But I can't because I promised the two greatest friends I have ever had the chance to meet that I wouldn't. That I'd stay. So I'm going to have to endure everything.

"Chin up, plaster on a fake smile And move the fuck on"