Thoughts.. I guess?

Dread.

I wasn't going to put anything out there (I have on snap but) I've pretty much only told my boyfriend and my bestfriend. But my brother passed away on the ninth of February. 35 years old and 2 children one 10 and one a year old, it's been rough and I have my moments but just like with the other three I have to attempt to keep my shit together.

But it seems like everything has just drug out, first for the organ donations then for his viewing and now waiting for urns and Saturday to come around. Which I dread, I don't want to see them seperate his ashes I don't want to hear the memories that were held with him because there won't be anymore to make, he's just a pile of ashes in a jar now and it's so fucking hard.

It sucks my brother was one of the most amazing people. He grossed me out sometimes, made me laugh, made me cry. There were so many memories with him and the last few years of his life it was hard to see him with the distance between all of us now that he's gone I wish I could've seen him more.

He was my brother and he was a good man regardless of his wrongs in life.
I miss you Bradley 😭💔