Thoughts.. I guess?

Dreams.?

I barely sleep anymore it seems, I have trouble getting to sleep unless I have worked myself to the point that I'm ready to drop. And even then I wake up almost every hour on the hour. Some nights I dream... well more like have nightmares and they make me not want to sleep anymore.

I used to get them frequently after seeing pictures or hearing the voices of those who have done the most damage to me while I was little. I still get them just not as frequently. My nightmares are typically memories, they're things that I have been through.

I wake up sweaty & scared most nights. Sometimes they switch up, to things that my imagination creates from hearing things. I wake up with tears in my eyes from those. All I want to do is cry after I have one and we'll last night was one of those nights.

Most nights that I have a nightmare be it, the ones of the past or of my imagination I'll curl up clinging to the cross I wear or stash in my pocket everyday since  my necklace broke that my step dad used to tell me so many stories about , and most nights that's enough even though he's gone that cross brings back so many happy memories and as long as I have it I have a piece of the guy who I thought of as a father.