[lmao so I had writer's block and now this is a totally different one-shot than what I had planned x3 enjoy~ (I lied about Bucky's age, okay? I couldn't be bothered to actually find it, so just accept it please)]
I’ve know it for a long time
Daddy wakes up to a drink at nine
Disappearing all night
I don’t wanna know where he’s been lying
James was my best friend. Well, my only friend, but that didn't matter.
I grew up with an alcoholic father and an absent mother. My dad lied about his drinking problem. Lied to the police, to my teachers, and to the child services workers. He lied to James. I think he lied to my mom, which made her leave before I could remember her.
From what I've heard, she was a nice woman. But, I couldn't find her, and I didn't love her.
But James... I loved James. So when my dad first hit me, that's when he proposed the idea of leaving.
I know what I wanna do
Wanna runaway, runaway with you
Gonna grab clothes, six in the morn-in’ go
James was older than I was. He was twenty when I was seventeen. The day I showed up at our usual meeting place, a small, nearly obsolete cafe, with a bruise across my cheekbone, he was beyond livid.
I was never very good with make-up, but I knew enough to make the bruise look lighter than it was. Boy, did it piss James off when he found out that the bruise was worse than I said.
The day I left my dad was drunk out of his mind. I left in the morning, and he was still drunk from the night before. I told him not to expect me to be home for dinner.
How long you leaving
Well dad just don’t expect me back this evening
Oh it could take a bit of time to heal this
I walked for a long time. James didn't know I was leaving so soon and he lived in a different city, so it was a few days before he found out. I tried to hitchhike, to no avail, but I loved him so I kept walking.
I could never keep him from my mind. Not for long at least. I had never wanted anything more than I wanted to be safe for him. I wanted to be safe so he could be happy. Even if it wasn't me who he was happy with.
I didn't walk to his house. Not at first. Not for a long time. I waited until I knew nobody was looking anymore.
Its been a long day, thumb on side of the roadway, but
I love him from my skin to my bones
But I don’t wanna live in his home
There’s nothing to say cos he knows
I’ll just runaway and be on my own
My dad cried the day I left. Standing in the kitchen with a bag on my back and all my money in my pocket, staring him down and telling him I wouldn't be back for a long time and nothing else nearly killed me. But I was raised to keep my mouth shut and that's what I intended to do.
He knew I was leaving for good. He begged me to stay. I told him to get his act together and I'd come back. With everything I owned in a bag or in my pocket, I lied straight to his face.
I never expected to be home for dinner.
I’ve never seen my dad cry
Cold as stone in the kitchen light
I’ll tell you it’s about time
But I was raised to keep quiet
This is what I’m gonna do
Gonna runaway, gonna make that move
Gonna grab clothes and when it’s morn-in’ go
How long you leaving
Well dad just don’t expect me back this evening
Oh it could take a bit of time to heal this
Its been a long day, thumb on side of the roadway, but
I love him from my skin to my bones
But I don’t wanna live in his home
There’s nothing to say cos he knows
I’ll just runaway and be on my own
So I walked with my bag on my back and a cap on my head. My dad didn't like it, argued as I packed my clothes, but I didn't care. He promised to change but I knew he lied.
Backpack and a flat cap turned to the back
As I packed my clothes up
My dad wasn’t down with that plan to attack, intends to show love
Maybe my mom was a fool, maybe she fell for it for a while. But I wouldn't. I didn't want to run away, and maybe I should have stayed a little longer, but I knew the safe thing to do was to pack my things into a suitcase and leave.
Sure, things change, but my dad would always be the same. And maybe James would be no different, or maybe he would be my knight in shining armor, but until I figured it out, it was a wandering life for me.
I don’t wanna live this way
Gonna take my things and go
If things change in a matter of days
I could be persuaded to hold on
Mama was the same
None of us are saints I guess that god knows that
I don’t wanna runaway
And one of these days I might just show that
Put my home in a suitcase
Tie both shoe laces and hope that
Things change but for now I’ll leave town with a backpack on my shoulder
I found a note on my door three months after I left. It was from James. All it said was 'I know'.
I love him from my skin to my bones
But I don’t wanna live in his home
There’s nothing to say cos he knows
I’ll just runaway and be on my own
