IF THEY LIVED (Harry Potter)

24|RED EYES

James looked at Lily. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying, actually they were so swollen that he could hardly see her green eyes. Her face was red and her lips were trembling. He didn't know what to do.

"It is not your fault," James said as he felt his heart breaking. Lily didn't reply. She just stared at him. James reached for her hand, but she didn't react.

"It is my fault James," she said stubbornly, "I was the one carrying him. I was the one who was supposed to protect him..."

She started crying again. James sat on her bed and hugged her as tightly as he possibly could. He didn't want to let go of her ever again. He felt tears gathering in his eyes as well. He tried keeping them put, he tried to remain strong for her. But he could feel a few of them getting away, travelling down his cheeks onto Lily's hair. 

"You did nothing wrong Lily, " James said, "if anything it comes back to me."

Lily looked at him confused: "How in the name of Merlin and Christ are you responsible?"

"I was-" 

James stopped talking. The stone in his throat decided to get even larger. Lily didn't know why they had lost their son, she didn't know it was Peter's fault... she didn't know it was his fault. He couldn't get himself to tell her - he can't risk loosing her as well.

"I was unable to protect you," he finished his sentence, as the guilt of lying slowly filled up his stomach, twisting it around in the most uncomfortable way.

"Nonsense James, you did everything in your power and more," Lily mumbled and closed her eyes and then whispered: "How is Harry doing?"

"I don't know I came straight to you when I arrived," James told her. Lily's head snapped as she looked up at him in shock.

"Then what are you still doing here?" Lily she said angrily. "Go and take care of our son will you?"

"You want me to bring him here or..." James asked slowly.

"No, I want you to go and take care of him. Take him to Hogwarts," Lily answered.

"Hogwarts?" 

"Yes Hogwarts James, what don't you understand?" Lily said impatiently. "Do you want to loose another child or what's your problem?"

"No, of course not," James said quietly, "but don't you want me here with you?"

"I do, but Harry is more important at the moment."

"He can be here, with us both," James suggested, but Lily shook her head.

"No, James, we can't risk it. I doubt you killed Voldemort back there or did you?"

"No I didn't..."

"Exactly. Go."

"What about you?"

"I only have to be here for one night."

"Lily,"

"James?"

"I love you, you know that right?"

"I do James, I love you too. Now go."

James looked at her eyes and kissed her forehead. After that he got up and left the room. Ignored Sirius' question and went straight to the nursery, took Harry and disapparated to Hogsmeade.

Harry was hugging his neck as he carried him into Honeydukes and through the secret passage. How did all of this happen? How was it possible that his best friend ruined his family? How can one person almost kill your entire family? James couldn't believe it. He looked around as he reached the end of the passage. He opened the door and entered the corridor. He walked past a talking Gargoyle. He remembered how he and Sirius used to go under his cloak and scare him in the middle of the night, pretending to be ghosts. Where did those carefree days go? Why couldn't they just stay here and be safe? Why did they have to go out into the world, join the Order and literally hand Voldemort their lives on a silver platter?

What would his father tell him to do if he was still alive? 

"Son, no matter what happens, no matter how hard it gets. Never loose hope. Never forget about love. In the end it is only love that keeps you from giving up, so hold on to it, like you hold on to a memory when casting a patronus. Remember that."

He remembered the last few sentences his father shared with him before passing away. But how is he supposed to hold on to his family if one of the most powerful wizards of all time is trying his best to destroy it? And is succeeding? Why wasn't he fast enough to shield Lily and the baby that night? Why was he so stupid to trust Peter, to let him in his house? It is all his fault. How is he supposed to live with that?

***

A healer opened the door and stepped into Lily's room.

"I made you a cup of tea dear," she said kindly and handed her a cup of warm mint tea. Lily smiled and took the cup, while thanking her. 

"Now where is your little boy?" She asked looking around. Lily was in no mood for chatting so she just answered quickly that her husband took him home. She took a sip of the tea.

"And where exactly is that darling?" The healer asked patiently.

"Ho-" Lily shut her mouth and looked at the cup of tea. Why was she giving it away?

"Sorry, I didn't catch that," she heard the lady say. She looked at her face, which was becoming pale and her eyes were turning red.

Hello everyone!
(if anybody is still loyal and sticking to this very not regularly updated fanfic)
Guess who is back!
No I am not dead, well not yet at least. Exams are slowly tying a noose around my neck and in a month time they will probably shoot me, stab me, burn and drown me at the same time or something equally amusing.
So guess what me is doing instead of studying? Yes I took out my two year old plans for this story and started writing. 

I hope you haven't given up completely yet, because one day I will finish it. One day.

Love,

Lizzie :)