"Present time"
Flashback
~
"Have you ever experienced heart break? The kind that shatters what's left of your delicate heart and your will to live along with it? I have. More than once."
As I locked my phone and watched the screen go dark, erasing the harsh words from my view, I wished that they'd be erased from my mind too. I held the cutlery tightly within my fisted hands and held my breath, desperately trying to keep a straight face and smile through the pain. It's what I always did afterall.
"And every single time felt like crying out and asking for help I would smile wider, I still do sometimes, and what's awful is that not one person could tell the difference, not many know what my life is truly like and at this rate that's the way it'll always be."
"Honestly, when I lost him, my other half, I realised the true meaning of heartbreak."
Fast forward
Each tablet I swallowed reminded me that soon enough I'd be reunited with my angel and so I kept going
5 panados
6 panados
Empty bottle. Not enough
I needed more. I found more
7...8...I refilled the glass.
10..11.....12..13...14
That's enough. 30 is enough.
"I can't describe to you what it feels like to reach that point in life. You become so depressed that you no longer smile or laugh and you no longer feel. You start to become less scared of death and rather welcome death with open arms."
What if It doesn't work? I need more.
The tablets are finished. Knife.
Pen knife. Too blunt. Kitchen knife.
I gnawed at the tender flesh across my wrist with the silver blade of a kitchen knife over and over again on the same spot.
It hurts. It's worth it. It won't work. Keep cutting. Keep trying. You need to die. You need to die. You need to die!
"I think what really saved me in the end was the fact that I spoke to my friends, to say goodbye one last time I guess. The power of words has always astounded me. The way I typed made them realise that I was serious. I've been suicidal for a long while but this was the first time I tried to actually kill myself."
Weak. Head hurts... Worth it.
"Nikki!"
"I'm sorry mummy"
"Help! Call an ambulance!"
"Give her milk"
"Drink this"
"My baby..."
"I'm sorry daddy"
"Take her in I'll park the car!"
"How many hours has it been?"
"Uh uhm 3 or 4"
"She took 30"
"Here's the bottle"
"Her system has already absorbed it, we need to protect her liver"
"Insert the IV in now."
"Doctor, superficial cut on her right wrist"
"She needs a Tetanus shot"
"This will only hurt a little bit sweetie"
"Vaccine done"
"IV in place"
"Call ICU and get her a bed, stat!"
"And do you still feel suicidal Miss Bennett?"
"No. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I survived for a reason. I mean the knife would barely break my skin, and it was supposed to be sharp, if it did i would've bled out by the time...Isaac..he died for a reason. Sometimes we're just not wise enough to know what that reason is. I think I'm going to live for him, and he's still with me, he's still my angel."
"But isn't it funny Dr. Stacy?"
"Isn't what funny dear?"
"How you never truly realise how much one person can mean to you until they're gone."
~
-T
YOU ARE READING
Until you were gone
RomancePeople know not the pain of being kicked in the balls until they themselves have experienced it. Similarly, people don't have any idea what heartbreak feels like until they themselves have suffered from the immense pain that leads to and goes along...
