Edwald Nygmobblepot One-Shots

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Dedicated to @That_Awkward_Silence for giving me the little push I needed to post this. I wrote this the day before the last episode aired, but A+ for coming up with the same prompt! ;P

Oswald was busy in yet another meeting when Barbara intruded...again. He was annoyed, but the look on her face told him that it would be best to hear what she had to say. As annoying as she was, Miss Kean was not a force to be ignored. And, in light of recent events, Oswald would rather not ignore the threat she posed.

"My apologies gentlemen," Oswald finally said to the people that had come to the meeting, "would you please excuse us?" The men swiftly filed out of the room and the door latched shut behind them. Oswald addressed Barbara, "And to what do I this pleasure, Miss Kean?"

"Just came to tell you you're not as clever and secretive as you think you are," she answered with a knowing smile.

Oswald paused a moment to think before saying, "Yes I heard that you found Butch and Tabitha; that was very clever tracking on your part. I hold no sympathy for Butch of course, but it is a shame that we were so quick to accuse him of killing poor Isabelle."

"Isabella," Babs corrected. "But that's why I'm here. If someone did know who killed the poor girl...well, I'm sure that information would be worth a lot to someone in your position, wouldn't it?"

"Of course! Ed is my dearest friend, as most people know. Any information that could help him to heal after this traumatic experience would be priceless to me," Oswald said in his most convincing tone.

Barbara openly laughed. "Yes, that dear friend that you trail after like a lost puppy even though he's your Chief of Staff. You do seem very close. Nice painting by the way; very sweet."

"Just what exactly are you implying, Barbara?"

She leaned against the table with a smile and started chanting, "Nygma and Penguin sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-"

"Are you four years old!?" Oswald interrupted, demanding. All of his earlier politeness had vanished like smoke.

"Fine, I guess you're right. We are adults after all," Babs conceded with a little frown. Then her face lit up and she sang, "Nygma and Penguin sitting in a car, are they naked; yes they are!"

Oswald's face turned a bright cherry red and she started laughing hysterically.

"Why. Are. You. Here?" Oswald hissed slowly, fuming.

"Calm down Birdman, your secret's safe with me," Barbara said, still chuckling a bit. "Or at least that one is. For now." When Oswald didn't respond right away she continued, "So you have this big crush on...Nygma, of all people, and then when things between him and Bella get a bit more serious you decide to have Gabe or some other crony tamper with her car so she crashes into an oncoming train, leaving poor Eddie to run into your open arms and cry on your waiting shoulder. Is that about right?"

The amazing accuracy of her guess gave Oswald a chill, but he kept a straight face and merely glared at her. If staring daggers could actually kill people, then she would be bleeding out in seconds. He approached her slowly until he was hardly a foot away from her, and the gravity of the situation began to settle on him.

"What do you want?" he whispered hoarsely, feeling utterly beaten.

Barbara grinned. "You can start by paying for Tabby's hospital bills, and letting Butch work for you again."