Voices · Enoch O'Connor

02 | Not so alone

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Is it okay to feel as if you are going insane? Every day I look in the mirror and think, when is everything going to get better? When is life going to be worth living? When will the voices leave me alone? Is my life worth fighting for? Should I just give up already?

I look at the reflection in the mirror and what looks back at me looks horrid. Underneath my eyes are bags, there are tracks of dried up tears. I look like a mess. I look down into my lap and sigh.

Every day I have to get up and fake a smile. But I always wonder, when am I going to break down. When will I give up and end all the misery I deal with every single day? But then I wonder, what if someone's out there for me, someone who knows what it's like to be alone and shunned, feeling hopeless and beaten. That's the only thing that currently keeps me going. Just a little bit of hope.

I look up in the mirror again and start removing the tear stains, I walked over to the closet and got dressed. I walked back over to the vanity and looked into the mirror. "Another day, another little piece of my soul going away." I smile at myself and thought, What does life have in store for me this time? I walk over to the bedroom door and start walking down the stairs.

"Good morning, honey." My mother's sitting at the dinner table reading the newspaper. My dad is gone, like always. And when he's home, he barely pays attention to anyone.

"Morning, mom." I grab an apple and sit down next to her silently eating my apple. I look over to her and started reading a part of the newspaper. I always hope that the news will finally be interesting. But no, nothing ever changes always the same boring stuff. I grab my bag and throw away the apple core.

"Bye mom, I'm off to school" I don't want to go. I know that I'm not the most popular kid in school but I'm not getting bullied by anyone. It's just that no one understands how tough it is, fighting against your own demons, fighting the urge to just scream.

"Bye sweetheart, good luck at school today." She doesn't know about anything that's going on or what's happening to me. I know she won't understand so I never told her anything.

I reluctantly open the door and started walking to school. The voices started getting louder whilst I was walking. I started rubbing my temples and stopped walking.

"Calm down, Adelaide. Everything will be fine.'' I heard a bird chirp loudly, I look up and see a dark blue bird in front of me. I smile at the bird, it truly is lucky. It's free and it isn't tied to a place, yet it stays in one area, for a while at least.

"What a beautiful bird, and now I'm talking to myself. Great, as if I couldn't get any more insane, I have voices inside my head and now I'm talking to myself about a bird. Look at me still going on with talking." The bird starts turning its head as if it's saying that it's confused until I start talking more about the voices.

The bird flies up onto my shoulder and stays like that for a moment. The bird then flew away from me. I smile again, wanting to wave at the fleeting bird.

I look at the time and see that school is almost starting. I hurry over to school and quickly take my seat once I entered my classroom.

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The day went by faster than I expected, but all that I could think about was, why was that bird acting so strange?

My head is clouding with thoughts and weird ideas. I'll take a walk through the forest to calm myself and clear my head.

But the question still remains, why was that bird acting so weird? I don't want to think about it anymore because I think it will drive me even more insane than I already am.

I jump when I feel a presence on my shoulder. I look over to my right and the same bird is sitting on my shoulder again. "Wow, I'm really going insane." The bird quickly rushed off again once I said that.

I luckily can already see my house, I can feel exhaustion heavily on my shoulders. I walk in to the house and make my way to the stairs and go to my room, I don't eat anything because I'm not hungry. All I want to do is leave this place, it doesn't matter where, just as long as it's away from here, with people that understand what I'm going through and won't judge me.

I close my eyes and slowly fall asleep, I think about that bird once more and suddenly I don't feel so alone anymore.

A/N
Yay. The first chapter is done I know it's not that good but I'm just doing my best if you hadn't noticed Adelaide is a little depressed about everything that's why she's kind of a loner because the voices make her feel like a monster and a freak. She doesn't know that there are more people like her. That's why she thinks so lowly about herself. Bye guys. Love you all. Stay Peculiar.