Voices · Enoch O'Connor

03 | Alone

Alone.
[uh-lohn]

Adjective,
Separate, Apart, or isolated from others.

Idiom,
Leave alone,
To allow (someone) to be by himself or herself.
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Am I alone, If I fall, who will be there at the bottom to catch me? What if no one is going to be there for me at the bottom to catch me? Should I catch myself when the moment of impact hits?

Those are the thoughts that always remain in my head.

Who's going to be there for me when I start losing my mind? Will there be anybody that is able to help me?

My life is almost like a loop when you think about it, I wake up, I eat, I go to school, I come home from school and I go to sleep. Luckily on Saturday's and Sunday's my life changes, I wake up, read, and get forced to watch a movie with my mom. And that's everything.

The only thing that I didn't say in the explanation of my life is that I'm miserable. I hate it, every part of it. It's not like I want more people to talk to. I want someone who understands how I feel.

The anger, the sadness, the loneliness, the worthlessness and the feeling of insanity. But no one will ever be able to understand the pain I feel. But I can't help but wonder, will there ever be someone who will understand me?

It's still dark outside when I look through the window beside my bed. I always feel a comforting feeling when I look up to the darkness with a few stars and the moon shining brightly. There is just something so calming about the darkness, I don't feel lonely anymore when I look up to the sky.

I strain my ears and heard my parents fighting. They're always fighting. I look out the window and see a blue bird flying in the sky in circles around my house.

"What is it with all these birds today?" I let out a little laugh and look back up at the sky again.

After a few minutes, I hear creaking come from the attic. Weird, my mom and dad are still downstairs fighting and no one else is in the house. I hear more creaking and decide that I should check out what's going on.

I walk to the attic and look around. No one's here, but I could've sworn that I heard something. I look at the window and see that it's open, that must be where the creaking is coming from, I close the window and look at an looking chest that's placed under the window. I open it and see a lot of old looking books in it. But there's one that's catching my eye, it's a diary like looking book. I grab it in my hands and I turn the book to its first page.

Eleanor Sophia Rose Carlson. That was all that stood on the first page. I start thinking about the name Eleanor. My mother used to tell me stories about her mother, she told me that her mother's name was Eleanor. This is my grandmother's diary. I turn another page and saw that it was the first diary entry.

December 19th, 1957.

Dear diary,

Well, this is my, first time writing in this book or diary I might as well say. If any of my offspring's are reading this, I would like to explain why I'm writing this. Our teacher made us write an essay about our day and a few days before today. I liked doing it because my offspring will know how different it was back in 1957. People are still mourning the people they lost and the soldiers who passed away during the war. Me, personally I'm not mourning many people just a few. For an example, I'm mourning the death of the children who lived in the children's home. A friend of mine knew a child who lived there, I think her name was Emma. It's so sad when you think about it, the children could have been playing in the garden, and out of nowhere a bomb drops onto the home. This was the first entry.

Bye,
Eleanor.

I want to put the diary down but two photographs fell out. The first one was a picture of a girl who looks like me, It's my grandmother, it's weird to look at it because she looked exactly like me. I grab the other picture and see a boy and a girl who look about my age. The weird thing about this picture is that the girl was wearing rubber gloves, why is she wearing gloves indoors? And why rubber gloves?

I flip the picture around and see two names and a date, perhaps of the day it was taken.

Enoch O'Connor, Olive Abroholos Elephanta, September 3rd, 1943

But that's impossible if my grandmother knew these people she would've gone back in time. Which is impossible. My grandmother was born in 1945. Which makes it impossible for her to have known them and certainly not as a 16-year-old. Is it impossible? Or am I just making myself go even more insane? I don't know. But there's one thing that I know for sure, I'm going to find out who these people are and what they had to do with my grandmother.

A/N

Almost the end of 2016, I wanted to put up at least one more chapter before the end of 2016. I'm already working on the next chapter, so maybe you guys will get another chapter very soon. Bye guys love you all. Remember Stay Peculiar.