To Break Her Heart

Chapter 29 - "Why the hell am I a dumbfuck?"

Chapter 29: "Why the hell am I a dumbfuck?"

Luke wasn't thinking straight, so I knew I'd have to be the level headed one in this particular situation.

He'd always been the more emotional of the two of us, expressing his happiness and worry and other feelings freely. He was an open book, as long as it concerned other people. But when it was about him, about his pain...he would curl up. He brought everything inside him and ignored the hurt he felt.

I hated that he did that. I hated that he thought that nobody would bother enough to see when he was hurting, so much so that he hid it to prevent from annoying anybody. He'd always been there for me, and now it was my turn.

I couldn't be my usual self anymore. Usually, I would be calm and collected, but I'd been slowly learning that being calm and collected wasn't about hiding your emotions. That was what I used to do - smother every other feeling I held until I was blank. But that wasn't right.

Being calm and collected was about having all those emotions, but instead of hiding them, it was about accepting them and balancing them out. That was what I had to do now. I couldn't let myself go blank when Luke needed me. I needed to show him I cared. I cared so much.

I stroked Luke's hair as he clung to me like a baby monkey. "Here's what we're going to do," I whispered to him in what I hoped was a strong, confident tone. "You're going to drop Theo and I at your place so we can take care of your siblings, and then you're going to drive your big ass over to that hospital and be there for your father, you got it?"

He leant back and stared at me with an expression that I couldn't decipher, and that bothered me. Was it admiration? Annoyance that I was being bossy and nosy? "You'd do that?" he asked in a low voice.

I used my small hand to rub away the tear tracks on his face, and I shot him one of my rare, gentle smiles. The kind of smile I reserved for people I really loved. "Of course, Lulu," I replied. "Now let's get moving, huh?"

I stood up and tried to yank him with me, but he shot me a devilish smirk and pulled me back down. I landed awkwardly in his arms, and he straightened me so that I was in a more comfortable position, brushing a strand of hair from my fair. My heartbeat quickened at our near distance, and I almost died of a heart attack as he swayed forward, looking to be internally arguing with himself.

He seemed to come to a decision as he grabbed my face between his big hands and leant down, kissing me right on the lips. I was too shocked to respond, and didn't even get a chance to properly enjoy the feel of his soft, warm lips before he released me and helped me to my feet.

"L-Luke?" I questioned, annoyed at how I stumbled over his name.

"Not now, okay, beautiful?" His voice wasn't sharp or reprimanding, but my face immediately coloured. Why would he kiss me like that if he knew I would question him about it later? I mean, why did he do it? Especially now, of all the bad times.

"Okay," I replied softly, and he tugged my hand, bringing me to the living room where Randy was sitting next to Theo as he slept in his carseat.

She glanced up as we entered, and a thousand-watt smile lit up her face. "You guys slept for so long," she scolded, but it was hard to take her seriously when she had such a large grin on her face. "But that's okay, because Theo's been sleeping for that long as well."

I let go of Luke's hand and approached Randy, hugging her tightly. She really was a wonderful best friend. "Thank you so much for looking after him, you're the best," I mumbled. "You can go hang out with Leo, I need to take Theo somewhere."