I Need You

Just For Tonight

Blood stained tiles, a razor by his side.
It had a simple hole in the non sharp side, indicating that it most likely came from a sharpener.

'Harry,' I whispered as I finally fell to my knees, tears now falling freely.
'Its going to be ok,' he smiled weakly.
How could this be in any way ok?
He was on the floor, a bleeding mess.
I grabbed his hand and turned his arm, revealing the damage.
'Harry, these look serious, look how deep they are.' I was trying so hard not to yell at him for being so stupid.

When you see a mother yelling at her child for almost getting hit by a bike, you think it stupid, the mother should be happy the child is ok.
I've never understood why the mother has yelled, until now.

'It'll be fine, I've had worse.' He sounded tired, not just tired because he needed sleep, but tired of life.
'Stay here, don't move,' I instructed.
I stood up, looking around the bathroom.
The tears were blurring my vision, and no matter how many times I wiped them away, more came soon afterwards.
I found some draws and desperately rummaged through them, looking for anything that would help Harry.
Finally I found a cloth, bandaging, rubbing alcohol and pain relievers.

'We have to stop the bleeding, you're losing to much blood.'
I could see his eyes closing, slowly but surely.
'Harry. Harry! Stay with me, c'mon, you can do this.' I grabbed the cloth and placed it against the cuts, applying as much force as I could.

'The first flower to bloom in the spring, the first star of the night, dancing in the rain. Morning hugs, first love.' I didn't know what he was on about.
'Have you ever seen an angel Danica?'
His breathes were deep and too often for normal.
'Do you think there are angels? My mum believes in angels. She says they look over us, protect us. I guess mines on vacation,' he laughed.
Jokes, he was making jokes.

'They were the most beautiful things before, what I said, the list.' He reached his unmarked hand up to my face, trailing the tips of his fingers along my skin.
'I think, you're voice is quiet beautiful, please, keep talking,' I whispered, trying to encourage him to stay awake.
He blabbered on about nothing as I tried to stop the bleeding.

After a solid ten minutes, it had finally stopped.
'Harry,' I interrupted, 'I have to clean it now ok? It's going to hurt.'
He looked at me, looking over my face.
'Why are you here? Why did you choose to be here of all places? I hurt you so I deserve this.'
I stopped what I was doing and looked into his eyes, but he wouldn't look into mine.
My eyes hurt from all the crying, but now it all of a sudden stopped.
'Harry.' My voice came out as a hushed whisper.
I scooted closer to him and placed my hand on his cheek, making him look me in the eye.
'You didn't do any of this, it's not your fault. Harry, you can't let them do this to you, they're tearing you apart.'
'Maybe one day I'll find peace. Not just with media, but with myself.'
'I need to finish cleaning them okay? Then I'll bandage it alright. This is really going to sting.' I changed the bandage, scared of what he had to say.

I prepared a different cloth with some alcohol and placed it on his arm, wiping the many cuts.
I looked up to see if it hurt him, not even a flinch.
I grabbed a bandage and wrapped it around his whole arm.
'There we go, done.'
He lifted his arm and looked at it, he looked happy with the outcome.
'Thank you.'
'Stay here for a second, I'm going to go get you some water and something to eat ok?'
'Don't worry about it, I'm not hungry.'
'Harry, you lost a lot of blood, you need it.'

I stood up and made my way out of the room. The house was a lot smaller than dads so it was easier to find the kitchen.
I was able to find the cups and filled one up with as much water as it could hold.
Looking in the cupboard, it was obvious a teenage boy lived here.
There were more chips and biscuits than anyone could ever eat.
I grabbed some biscuits and put them on a plate, he needed something with sugar.

I walked back into the bathroom to find Harry where I left him, except his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth.
'I really messed up Danica.'
'Shhh, it'll be alright.' I sat down beside him and rubbed small circles on his back.
He ran a shaky hand through his sweaty hair, pulling at the ends.
I passed him the water and insisted he drink it.
He finished off the biscuits as well.
'C'mon Harry, you need some rest.'
I helped him up and lead him to his bed.
'I'll be right back, just going to get you some more water.'

By the time I came back he was sound asleep.
He looked so peaceful, wrapped up in his blanket.
I walked into the bathroom and looked at the mess, knowing it had to be cleaned.
I didn't want him to have to face it in the morning, knowing it would just bring back unwanted memories.

I picked up the cloth and started scrubbing the floor, lifting the blood off.
Once the floor was clean, I let the cloth soak in the sink with some soap.
I picked up everything, putting it all away and chucking stuff out.

Once done, I went back into the room, making my way to the bed.
Pushing his hair back, I left a kiss on his forehead.
'Stay safe Harry.'
As I turned around to walk out of the room, I felt another grab my hand.
'Please stay.'
I turned around to see a sleepy Harry looking up at me.
'Harry, I don't think that's-'
'Please, just for tonight,' he cut me off.

His arms were warm and caring, wrapped around my torso as our bodies lay beside each other.
My head was rested against his chest, listening to his solid heart beat.
'I like this bird,' I whispered, trailing my fingers along the outline of his tattoo.
'But I think the butterfly's my favourite.'
I studied all the different forms the ink took place on his skin.
There were quiet a few, birds, a butterfly, two hands shaking, a ship and so many more.
They were all so interesting.
'Do any of them actually have any meaning?'
'Some of them, but you have to guess which,' he smiled softly.
I thought about it, looking at them all.
'I think the birds mean something, because they're close to your heart, the same as the butterfly because it's so big, and has nothing around it, other than that, I have no clue.'
He leaned down and pressed his soft lips on mine, it took me a few seconds to respond, caught off guard.
I ran my hands down his torso, feeling his soft skin, all the bumps from different muscles.
His moved to my cheek, caressing it softly.

'Can we stay here forever?' Harry asked as we broke away.
I laid my head against his chest.
'Doesn't sound too bad,' I smiled.

'I'd give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you feel me somehow,' Harry started singing soothingly.
I felt calmness fall over us both, like a sheet.
His voice was raspy and matched pitch perfectly. It was so beautifully warm and flowed without effort.
He played with my hair as he continued singing.

'You bleed just to know you're alive. And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand.' The lyrics matched him so perfectly.
They made so much sense, it was like they were written just for him, but he was singing it like it was just for me.

The song was over to soon, I wanted to hear his beautiful voice more, but neither of us spoke another word.