Hunting Royalty

52. Memories and Monsters

Nate

I can't sleep. I don't want to. I pace the floor in my bedroom as I try to sort out my thoughts. It's messed up. Everything is so screwed up and I can't think straight. I don't know what is true and what is a lie. All I know is that when she was found guilty everything became clear.

I still love her.

I don't want her to die tomorrow. I tried to sway the vote in her favor but I was counting on Sam's vote. I can't believe he would do that to her, I thought they were friends. It seems so was Kayden judging by the way he laid him out. I wish I had the chance to hit him too.

I had to leave, I couldn't let the other nobles see me cry over a girl they all think betrayed me. I don't understand how she could do that to me, I would never have been able to do something like that that to her.

She is trying to overthrow my whole family and replace them with the Hargreaves. I think that much is clear. Was she really going to kill me or would overthrowing us be enough?  Everyone knows displaced royalty doesn't live long.

It doesn't matter. What matters is tomorrow. I can't handle the idea that she is going to die. It was only a few days ago that I asked her to marry me.

Every time I close my eyes I see her, is that what it's going to be like for the rest of my life. Will I always ache for her?

I practically live for those smiles she fights off when I suggest something dirty to her. Will I ever see her smile like that again? Or will I be left with just memories?

I remember the first time she came here, into my room. She barged in without even knocking and I walked away from her, I was so mad and I didn't want her to tell me that she was going to marry that Itarian asshole. Instead she opened up to me for the first time and told about her best friend. She was in so much pain. I wanted to make it all go away, I wanted to protect her.

I walk over the wall, I remember pushing her against it and having one of the greatest kisses of my life. I rest my head against the wall remembering how responsive she was to my touch. Will I ever get to kiss her like that again?

I'm not ready to let her go. I don't think I'll ever be ready because I don't think I can stop loving her.

Will I always be haunted by memories of a girl I never truly knew? I don't care if I didn't know everything, I knew the real her. That girl that cried in my arms scared about what would happen tomorrow. I know it is real, she hates to cry in front of people but she came to me.

She needs me, like I need her.

I have to see her.

I push away from the wall and rush down the hallways, I take the stairs two steps at a time in my haste. The guards don't even blink when they see me heading for the basement, I've paced in front of them so often in the last few days. It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the dimmer lighting. I know which cell is hers, the seventh on the left, I count them off in my head until I'm standing in front of her cell.

She sleeping.

The dim lighting illuminates her face in softening her features. Her head is tilted towards the bars and one of her hands is pressed against the pallet underneath her head in a makeshift pillow. That ugly chunky metal collar is wrapped around her neck, I can see the scratches where it has rubbed against her skin. She looks so peaceful in her sleep, she always does.

How can she sleep?

I'm so stressed I can barely breathe let alone sleep and she is sleeping like she doesn't have a care in the world. She only has hours left and she is using them to sleep? What is wrong with her, how is it even possible for her to be calm enough to sleep?