Aubrey (Revolving With Axis)

049:

"I believe in promises." I said softly. "And I kept mine. I told you I wouldn't leave you that night, and I didn't, nor any night that we've been together. But it would be stupid, Rafe, to make promises to each other that we can't keep."

He took one step toward me and then stopped, searching my face. "Your promise was not to leave me. Ever."

"I take it back."

He swallowed painfully, blue eyes full of disbelief . "Don't do this, Aubrey."

"It's done. It was done before it started." I went around the couch, knowing what I had said was essentially true, but feeling like I was about to cry my eyes out in the saying of it.

He picked up a couch pillow and threw it across the room. "Do you even know what you're saying?"

I made it to the bar separating the living room from the kitchen and walked quickly to Kell and Maille's room, intending to pack my stuff--- whatever stuff I had---

I heard his deep intake of air. I felt bad, but this had to be the only way. We'd tried, but having fun together wasn't all there could be to a relationship. And sex definitely not.

"Aubrey--- we are better than this. We haven't even tried to discuss staying together, finishing what we started."

I whirled around. "What I hear from you is--- Want, need. What I hear from you is--- maybe--- figure it out--- I don't hear commitment-- I don't hear love. And this---" I flung out my hands, pleading with him. "We keep running smack up against it, Rafe! We want something--- but we aren't willing to ---- never mind--- we can't. It isn't a matter of being willing. We've as many good times now as we have had fights."

"You! You are having fights!"

I rolled my eyes. "I am saying things like they are. I am facing it all head on. Better now than after we've been married for ten years and have five kids." I twirled to the bed, shoved my few belongings into the back pack I'd brought and thought about the stuff I might be leaving in my feather filled bedroom. I didn't even feel obligated to clean-- knowing that Kell would have a housecleaner in later. I had to get out of there.

"Don't you feel anything for me?" He'd changed his tactic. I pushed past him standing in the doorway, flew to the stairs and slipped on sneakers. I retrieved my phone and asked the strip (air strip) if Mom had left yet. They told me a half an hour.

Perfect.

"I do." I said, choking on a sob, feeling the stupid burning in my throat and eyes.

"Then why are you running away from me?"

"You yourself have warned me off! Just yesterday as a matter of fact! You said, that guy is crazy, dangerous, a chameleon, saying one thing and then doing another. You think I don't hear you, but I do. And every time you push me hoping I will give in, you apologize. Do you want to spend your whole life apologizing? Rafe! That's idiotic. I am not that girl. I won't forgive infidelity, I won't overlook it. I don't want the part member family. I want to be in it together--in it for the long haul-- forever. I like you, I really do, and I think you're possibly the sexiest guy on the planet, and you are definitely talented and fun and--"

"I love you for taking me to Loula's." He interrupted softly, gazing into my eyes steadily. "I love you for singing with me even against your better judgment. I love you for overcoming your fear. I love you for not leaving the beach when it was freezing cold in order to stay in our embrace a little longer. I love you for long walks to dinner, for listening, for talking, for fighting, for trying, for giving me your all, for trusting me. You trusted me Aubrey--- you threw those panties out of the water that night in the pond, you trusted me not to violate you and guess what? I wanted to--- but I didn't. I get you."