Call it What You Want

3 - But It's Alright

October 2016

Taylor's POV 

"Come on Taylor. It's been a month. Let's just forget about dating and have a good time tonight. Okay?" Martha looked up at me with her best puppy dog eyes.

"Okay," I agreed. I locked my phone and slid it into my back packet. Martha grabbed my hand and dragged me into the living room where the rest of our friends sat. 

"Yay! She's alive," Cara joked.

"We thought you might stay in," Lorde commented, and everyone nodded.

"And miss out on a private concert with you guys? Never!" I brushed off the comment.

Lately, I felt beaten down. I ended my relationship with Tom as soon as I got the go ahead from the agency. Fast and way too public is the best way I can describe that relationship. People thought I cheated on Calvin with the timing of it all. I mean that seemed like a fair assumption considering the released video someone took of us dancing together at the gala. In all honesty, Tom and I didn't have much in common other than that night. He's a nice guy, but I certainly never imagined our relationship being more than an agent and a source. The reason I was allowed to let Tom go as a source was because he hadn't provided any bit of useful information in three months. 

After all the chaotic events of this year, I've been trying to keep a low profile. Everyone thinks I've retreated because I had a tough break up or am waiting for the bad press to blow over. They don't know the half of it.

When Martha came in, I was reading a memo from James. After the big break up with Tom, the agency cleared my schedule of any major projects. James managed to get Joe Alwyn off my case load. Thank goodness because I could not take another relationship this year. However, the agency wanted me to move back out to LA to get in position develop other sources. They wanted me to get in to film. I liked my life in New York, and I didn't want to move again at the request of the agency. Film was never part of our deal.

I had to get out. The work load never stopped. It never would. They would keep piling more and more jobs on me all while burning me in the process. I didn't want to give up singing and this career I've built, but I couldn't keep being a government puppet.

Tonight, I decided was my night of freedom from my responsibilities as an agent and a public figure. I was going to go to this King's of Leon concert with my friends (some of whom were sources), and I was going to enjoy the hell out of it. 

"You guys made it!" Lily greeted each of us as we walked past the security guard at the door. The venue had a casual and intimate atmosphere without any press. I felt at ease. 

Just then a familiar sounding British voice from behind said, "fancy meeting you here."

I turned around slowly. Joe freaking Alwyn. What was he doing here? I don't care. I'm not here for work, and he isn't a source for me any more.

"Hi," I greeted him politely. Other familiar faces I knew came in, so I moved along like I had many people to greet. I made my way around the room talking to various people. 

"So you and Joe?" Cara nudged my side as we stood in front of the small stage.

"You think because I said hi that we are a thing? I hope you guys didn't set this up."

"No, but I wish I had," Martha jumped in.

"What happened to 'oh Taylor forget about dating tonight?'" I mocked her.

"How can you deny him Taylor?" She spoke loudly and waved her arm in Joe's direction. Then, she stepped in closer. "I know you just broke up with Tom, but this could be good for you."

I scoffed and took a big sip of my wine. She thought I needed a rebound. Nope. Not happening.

Martha squealed, "oh, he's coming over!" 

"It's no wonder. Your gesturing couldn't have been more obvious." The lights in the room dimmed, so Joe returned to whoever his group was before he even made it to us. 

When the band took a break midway through their set, I headed back to the bar to get some more wine.

"I don't think I've got your number." Joe set his phone on the bar next to my elbow.

"No, you probably don't. Few people have my number," I replied curtly. I picked up my drink and turned around so that my back leaned against the bar.

"What about guys who want to take you on a date?" He pressed.

I laughed at him. "Is that your attempt at asking me out?" I immediately felt bad. Maybe I had a little bit too much wine. He didn't flinch. "Sorry. I just got out of a pretty intense relationship. I don't know if I'm ready to date again so soon. I don't know if you're ready to date me. You know with all the baggage and tarnished reputation. It wouldn't look great for you."

"One date and then you can decide from there?" Joe waited for my answer.

There were few relationships that I'd had since starting my career as an agent that weren't set up. This was new. It felt different. I liked his boldness. To the agency, this couldn't be considered a work relationship because he wasn't my source.

"Sure, one date." We exchanged numbers. It must have been the wine talking, but I blurted out "are you going to the after party?"

The rest of the evening was a blur. We went from the show to the after party and then to another bar. When I finally rested in my apartment, I came up with a plan. I wanted more of the freedom I experienced tonight. I wanted a life that I was in control of, so I would go on this one silly date with him and then I would slip away. I wasn't sure where exactly I would go. I had time to figure that out. I would not attend meetings, take calls, answer any emails, or make any public appearances. Although, I would continue writing and making music. If I did anything professional, it would be on my terms. Not the CIA's.

I would vanish like a ghost. The greatest and most difficult operation of all time.