Call it What You Want

28 - You Don't Need to Save Me

September 2017

Taylor's POV

"Taylor wait," James called out as I stood to leave the room.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to sit back down in the chair or remain standing. I really wanted to get out of the stuffy interrogation room.

"Can we talk?" he asked, stepping inside.

This sounded like it could be long, so I sat back down. I suppose I was in no rush to leave since my boyfriend was still locked in the other room.

"Okay," I said when I was ready.

"I'm sorry," he began. "I'm sorry that the agency has been treating you like shit. Most of all I'm sorry for not doing anything sooner."

Surprised by his apology, I had no immediate response. Normally I would tell someone it's fine and shake it off, but it really wasn't fine. So, I said, "you're right. The agency has been treating me like shit. I give and give and get nothing in return. I'm not just some machine."

"I know. I know. You are a great person and agent. The guilt has been eating me alive for years but Rebecca keeps telling me to push you to your limit. That doing so is required of the job," he confessed.

"Why are you telling me this now?" I wondered. Over the years, I've learned that people don't just apologize randomly. Either they want something or it's for show.

"I was told that you want to terminate your contract when this all finishes. I can't help but think that I've been the cause of your misery all these years," he revealed sounding sad.

I sighed. Of course I always took my anger out on James, but it was often misdirected. Like me, he was following orders. Did he have a role in making my life hell? Yes, but I couldn't hate him for it.

"Believe me, you're not the only cause of my misery," I joked, hoping to make him feel better. Was I really trying to appease his guilt? "This line of work can really destroy a person."

He nodded. Then, his voice got quieter. "You don't understand. I've had the power to terminate your contract since the day you started." Now, he looked away from me.

I jumped out of my chair and screamed, "WHAT?! This whole time you could have ended it?"

"Technically yes," James mumbled.

"Fuck! I can't believe this!" I continued to yell. I ran my hands through my already messy hair. "I take back what I said earlier. You are the cause of all my misery. I've spent the past God knows how many years doing everything you've asked me to because I thought neither of us had a choice. I risked my life on multiple occasions to get information. I've slept with strangers. Stolen vehicles. Broken into places. Now I find out all of this could be avoided?" I felt my anger boiling up inside me with every word.

James shrunk back.

My rage continued. "All the times I told you I wanted out, you acted so powerless. I should have known," I shook my head in disbelief. I was partially ashamed of myself for not knowing he had the power all this time.

"I promise to terminate your contract today," he told me as if that were a good enough apology.

"Oh, you better," I seethed. "But let me make this crystal clear for you. Just because you are terminating my contract now does not make you the hero of my story. No, I don't need your sorry ass to save me. Looks like I've saved my damn self. Remember that I can still wreak havoc on the agency before they make a deal with MI6."

I gathered my items and looked James straight in the eyes as I walked past him.

"Don't do anything stupid," James said under his breath as I marched out the door. I turned around long enough to wave goodbye with my driving finger.