Call it What You Want

10 - Fly Like a Jet Stream

June 2017
Taylor's POV

In a voice that I had never heard Joe use before, he said, "we need to talk." He did not break eye contact with me. My stomach dropped because I instantly thought of the worst reasons for wanting to talk. I had no clue what he was going to say, so I tried not to express my distress. I didn't want to reveal anything he didn't already know. I slowly set down my sandwich and wiped off my hands. I sat silently waiting for what he was going to say next. 

"Uhm," he began instantly losing his confidence. His eyes darted around the apartment as though he was looking out for someone or something. Joe picked up the device, made his way around the bar, slipped his hand into mine, and led me into the bedroom. 

"Do you have your phone on you or any other electronic device?"

"No," I answered truthfully. I left my phone in the kitchen. "Joe, what's going on? You're acting really weird." 

Joe ignored my question. He closed the bedroom door and then went to close the blinds. It felt like he was getting ready to do something horrible. At least I knew that with my training from the CIA, I could beat his ass if he tried anything. 

Now, we stood just inches apart in the dimly lit room. He held up the flash drive once more. His tone was serious. "Do you know what is on this?"

Avoiding directly answering the question, I responded "What is the big deal? I told you that it is from work and then you go and freak out." I was confused and frustrated. No, I didn't know what was on the device. I wasn't allowed to know. Joe didn't need to know any of that. There was no way that he knew what was on the device either. 

"Taylor, this is a huge deal!" he practically yelled. My eyes got wide with fear. He never yelled at me like that. I backed up a few steps afraid that he might hit me. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell." Joe apologized, immediately lowering his volume. He also backed up a few steps and then turned to face the other direction. He put both of his hands on his head and let out a huge exhale before turning back around. 

When he turned around he just looked defeated rather than angry like he did seconds ago. I could see that he was thinking about his next move. 

He finally said, "okay. I figured that if you knew what was on this device, you would have told me by now. This is going to take a while to explain, so you may want to take a seat."

I walked toward the bed and sat down on the edge. "Joe, please just tell me what is going on. This is not you." I was genuinely concerned. 

"How were your meetings?" he asked. 

"What?" Why was he switching the subject? "They were fine." 

"I know you were at the hall of fame today," he stated plainly. 

I mean technically I wasn't at the museum today, but I was around it. "No, I wasn't," I replied. 

Joe crossed his arms across his chest. "Are you done lying?" 

This question rendered me speechless. I tried to say something and ended up stuttering nonsense. 

"Taylor, you can stop with the lies. I know everything. You had to have been at the hall of fame to get this device because," he paused. "I left it there."

I shouldn't have been surprised by that admission, but I was. It made sense since he went in around the same time that our drop happened. 

Joe continued before I could say anything else, "I know that you work for the CIA."

"Oh. Did I let that slip somehow?" I spent this entire relationship trying to hide that secret. Now, I find out that my cover was blown. "Did my mom tell you?" No, my mom would never. 

"I've actually known the whole time," he admitted softly. 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "The whole time?"

He nodded yes. "The information on this device contains the complete profile I was given about you from MI6. It may be easier to show you the files to explain." 

"I don't have clearance to open the files," I told him. Wait, screw that. My cover was blown. I needed to see why I didn't have clearance to the files. 

Joe raised an eyebrow at me. "Okay, let's say that I still have the file and am opening it. You happen to see what is on it." I was fine with that arrangement. He went to grab his laptop. 

Hundreds of files popped up when he plugged in the device. I watched in awe as he skillfully navigated around to find my file. What I saw in front of me looked like the most in depth Google search I had ever seen. There were photos of me from childhood until now. Photos of my family and friends. Thousands of videos and news articles. Details about my personal life that I thought only my family knew. I was freaked out seeing how much information they had on me. 

"Looks like I wasn't the only one lying," I commented still scanning the screen. The only reason he would get a profile on me is because I would have been a target. "I was your target?" I asked to confirm. 

He answered honestly, "yes. I spent about a month prepping before the gala." I should have known that MI6 would be tracking me. When did I get so sloppy? Joe was supposed to be my target at the gala too. At the time, I had no idea that he was MI6. Did James know all along? Is this why he assigned me this mission? "Why are you showing me all of this?" 

Joe closed his laptop. "I'm done, Taylor. I want to be done with the agent life because as you know it really isn't much of a life. I can't keep up with the all consuming lies. I don't want to keep following orders. I don't want to keep hurting people." He went on to explain how he got into MI6 and the years he spent undercover. I knew that he was taking a huge risk by telling me everything. "Natalie, a long-time friend and coworker, found herself in a similar situation after we were both reassigned. A few months ago, we decided that we needed a way out, but we didn't want to live on the run. Since Natalie still works in London, she was able to get these off the servers. Our profiles along with a few other prominent MI6 undercover agents are on this device too. We are hoping that if the CIA finds out about our covers, MI6 won't be able to use us as field agents anymore. We will be allowed to go inactive."

The plan seemed quite foolish to me. I could already see the numerous ways of this going wrong. "Couldn't they just create you a new identity?"

"I mean, they could. We would have to be willing to accept that though. If we don't live into that new identity fully, it wouldn't work for them. I've also considered the possibility of them terminating us in secret. I would like to think that there are too many of us that live such public lives that they couldn't do it without raising suspicion. This is our best solution and hope at any sort of normal life. It only works if we get the device to the CIA before MI6 realizes this data was downloaded from the servers and copied."

"So why am I on this? Am I just collateral?"

"No, it goes both ways. If the CIA knows that MI6 has been following their undercover agents, they will have to reevaluate. I thought you might want your way out too." I couldn't tell if he was being genuine or manipulative. Was this some sort of orchestrated trap to get more information out of me? Was it the CIA's method of testing my loyalty? I had been an agent for so long now that I could hardly remember the freedom. I had so many questions. 

This was too much to process in one evening. I needed to be alone. "Get out," I told him without looking up. When he didn't move, I yelled it again. "Get the fuck out of my apartment!" If I had a shoe to throw at him, I would have thrown it. He backed out of the room slowly and quietly, closing the door behind him. I wanted to scream, to cry, to punch a hole in the wall. I wanted to runaway and disappear. Was everything in my life a lie? I thought for once in my life I had something good. I truly loved him. I imagined us getting married, moving somewhere quiet, and starting a family. I would have trusted him with my life. I nearly walked away from my career for him. I felt angry, violated, betrayed, and used. 

I've had my fair share of ugly breakups. This takes first place no doubt. I don't know if I can ever forgive him.