Sketch

99 - Sam

I leave before anyone can stop me.  I can't stick the muted feeling of the room, but I glance back at Emmy just before the door closes between us.  I send her what I hope is a reassuring look, just so she knows I'm coming back.  I'm not walking out on her or Sketch, but I need time alone. 

I can't run from Michelle and I'm not trying to.  Besides, it seems like she follows me everywhere lately.  Ever since she thought we had a chance without her it's like she's been a constant presence.  Waiting in the darkness like an ever present shadow that's intending  to leech off of me.

Michelle's known me since we were both thirteen, so it's fair to say she knows what she's doing.  She understands the ins and outs of me; what makes me tick and which buttons to press to get a reaction.  Lately it seems like she's been jamming all the buttons at once, not stopping until she thinks I've had enough.  I'm almost there.  A life with Emmy, but without music, might not be that bad and that's what I think Michelle is determined to achieve.  She knows she can't break me away from Emmy, so she's ripping away the next best thing.

A part of me, be it vain, thought that she wanted me back at first.  She got jealous of Emmy and tried snatching me back for herself, but now I know I was wrong.  She wants more than me.  She wants everything all of us ever wanted.  The fame, the money, the lifestyle.  She's ten steps closer than us to getting it and I'm just about done with chasing after her.

The lift ride to the lobby takes no time at all and once I hit the street, blinking at the low sun peering out from behind the opposite buildings, I take a left.  I don't know where I'm heading.  In fact, I'm impressed that I even thought to put shoes and a coat on.  My bodies' on autopilot, steering me down the street and further from home, while my thoughts cloud my head.

It's only when I stop to cross a road that I realise how heavy my breathing is.  I'm not running, or walking fast even, but it seems to be taking great effort to stay calm.  I bring a hand to my chest to feel my racing heartbeat and I block out the traffic around me to hear blood rushing in my ears.  I'm suddenly on edge, aware of the impending anger that could spill over at any time. 

I feel vulnerable.  A victim to my own emotions.  I'm tired of being angry and upset and hurt.  It's making me ache.  I feel stuck, like ever since Michelle left she hasn't let me move on.  She's a constant weight on my shoulders, dragging me down until I feel like every time she's mentioned I'm living on my knees.

I slow down to try and steady my breathing, taking in my surroundings in the process.  I'm just passing the newsagents and it reminds me of when Michelle followed me here, trying to get me into her vindictive grasp.  I shake my head when I hear heels clicking on the pavement behind me, trying to erase the memory that I assume my mind is bringing back up.  The sound continues, however, and when I look over my shoulder my heart settles.  Michelle is nowhere to be seen.  Instead, Emmy is attempting to catch me up.  I stop and she closes me down quickly, resting her hand on my shoulder when she reaches me. 

"I thought I'd give you five minutes to simmer down but I had to follow you."  She looks sheepish, letting out a sigh.  "Sorry if you wanted to be alone, but I couldn't just watch you walk away knowing you were dealing with."  She pauses, her lips pressing into a thin line.  "Dealing with this on your own."

I hug her before she can say anything else.  "Thank you."

When I let her go she smiles.  "I probably could have caught you up quicker but I wanted to wear my new boots.  They go with this jumper, see."

I look down to see that she was the responsible for the sound of heels on concrete.  Her new boots are brown with heels that looks painful to walk in.  She's pulling at the hem of her blue jumper, trying to get me to see the connection between the two.  I don't but I smile anyway.