Sketch

49 - Sam

Dedicated to avacadosandme!  Please let me know if Sam's coming across as too girly.  I've never written from a guys point of view before, but I don't want Sam to be the stereotypical guy who bottles everything up to look macho. 

Song on the side is love.  Enjoy :)

I hate myself and I'm pretty sure Tanya hates me too.  She goes ballistic when she turns up the morning after Emmy left, ready to hear our new song, only to find out that Emmy's not there because I was a twat and I told her we were a mistake.

She makes me feel as small and stupid as Ollie and Vince already have and I just sit there and take it.  Every time she sighs and every time she runs a hand through her hair I deserve the guilt that it makes me feel.

"So where does that leave Sketch?"

My answering shrug seems to irritate Tanya even more. "Act like you care, Sam," she says, her tone sharp. 

I quit staring at my hands so I can look up at her.  "I do care," I bite back.  "I care too much."

Tanya's eyes widen a little at my words.  "I'm glad you care, Sam, but caring isn't going to keep Sketch going."

"And this," I say, throwing my head back to look at the ceiling.  "Is why I didn't want a girl in the band again."

"Emmy isn't Michelle," Ollie says, bringing a hand up to my shoulder.  He's calmed down a little over night, no longer glaring at me whenever I'm in sight, but I can still tell by his tensed shoulders and pressed lips that he's worried that my stupid-ness might mean that Emmy's not coming back.

I can't bear to think that that's the case.  A world without Emmy would be like living for the sake of living, rather than to make something of yourself.  She's become my motivation and inspiration and when she's not around I feel like giving up.  What's the point in being in Sketch if I can't share the experience with her?  I want to share it with her.

"Where would she go?"

I blink at Tanya's words.  I'd wanted to run after Emmy yesterday, after the initial shock of my complete and utter stupidity had worn off, but Ollie and Vince had stopped me, willing me to give her time to calm down.  After all, what would I have said to her?  Holding a conversation with Emmy ten minutes after I insulted and hurt her isn't really the best way to solve this.  This issue.  I have no idea what the solution is.

After a long moment Ollie's words break me out of my thoughts again.

"The only other person she knows in London is her best friend."

I stare at Ollie, hurt and annoyance flooding me at the same time.  How did he know that and I didn't?

"She's at university here," Ollie explains when no-one answers. 

Vince is sitting quietly at his drum-kit, casting a unfocused gaze over London.  I know he's still pissed at me for ruining our last chance of making it big.  I hate that running my mouth has ruined so many things for so many people.  The realisation does nothing to better my mood and I sink back further into the sofa, a sulky look on my face.  I'd rather hide behind a sulky expression than show the upset that I'm feeling inside.

"Well do we have a number for her friend?"

Ollie shakes his head.  "Emmy had Alex's number in her phone.  She was going to invite her over, actually."  His eyes flit to me, making me feel even worse.  Before Sam ruined everything.

Tanya sighs for the hundredth time since walking in the flat twenty minutes ago.  "Right.  Well the next thing we need to do is phone Emmy.  We need her to know that we care that she's gone."