Surviving The Thinning

9.

~Louisa~

"I hate the dark." I groan once I turn another corner in the endless maze of vents.

"Do you remember the day that I first told you that I liked you?" Blake asks.

"Uh, yeah? Why?" I answer, still looking around the dirty vent system.

"Well, honestly I'm trying to get your mind off things." He responds with a laugh.

"Oh." I reply with a giggle of my own. "I feel stupid for it, but this place creeps me out."

"Well, this whole situation is fucked up and scary so I don't blame you."

"When did you first start thinking of me as more than a friend anyway?" I ponder quietly.

"It was three months after Ellie..." He starts. "You and I were always together during those three months since we seemed to be the only people who were upset over the Thinning. You were Ellie's best friend and I was her boyfriend, but the two of us never really saw each other. It was during our mourning period that I actually got to know you."

"Ellie always talked about you." I voice softly. "She really was in love."

"At first, you reminded me of her so much that sometimes it felt like she was still here and I was with her. I know that sounds awful, but it was never a replacement type thing. The closer we got and the more healed I was, I started seeing all the differences between you two and I realized that I liked the differences more than I liked the similarities."

I stay silent and follow the narrow metal path that the vents provided, processing every word that Blake was sharing with me.

"Quickly, I tried to supress any feelings I had growing for you because it made me feel guilty. Not only about getting over Ellie so soon, but I felt like I was using you, Lou. I didn't want you to think I was only into you because you were like her, or that you were a rebound. I didn't want to complicate everything."

Blake stops and leans against the metal wall. I sit opposite him and look at him expectantly.

"After another two months, I knew that my feelings were deep and that I wouldn't be able to deny them anymore. You became my best friend and you were always there for me. I was quickly falling in love with my best friend, who happened to be my dead girlfriend's best friend. I felt overwhelmed and stupid. I didn't trust my own feelings and I didn't want to get hurt, but most of all I didn't want to hurt you."

"I would never intentionally hurt you." I murmur comfortingly.

"I know... I realized that I was being dumb for being so insecure about it. You had been with my through every emotion I can emote, you wouldn't judge me for my fears or my dreams... That's why I was so rushed when I finally confessed my feelings to you. After my realization, I couldn't hold my feelings for you in anymore."

"And so you asked me the very next time you saw me?" I ask with a gentle smile.

Blake nods with an embarrassed smirk.

"I couldn't wait so I ran to your house, literally ran, and knocked on your front door. Your dad answered and told me that you were in your room. I remember thinking it was weird that he didn't interrogate me or tell me to leave, but when I found you it all made sense. You were sitting on the ground against your bed crying. I had never seen you cry before. I was too self absorbed to notice that while I was mourning, you were trying to stay strong for me. You pushed aside your hurt and comforted me."

"You were so distressed, I didn't want to make it worse." I reply with a tight throat. I felt my tears return and felt a salty drop of water fall down my cheek.