When I Die [Wattys 2016]

Chapter 50: The End Of Luck

I'd been too spoiled with luck. My cancer ebbed and flowed. I went down and I got back up. It'd become a routine. It became expectation. I dumbly wondered at how many days I'd be out of commission before I was well enough again to make up with Myra. Well this time was different. I did not get better. I got much worse. I'd known this was coming. For the days after Reid found me, fever ravaged my body, infection circulating through my body now, hot and with a distasteful finality attached to it. My body was monopolized by the cancer now, in conjunction with the infection. There was no more fight. So this is how it will happen, I'd thought. I kept expecting a turn around which didn't come.
By the time my family arrived back home from their trip, I was too weak to sit up on my own.
"Oh, Leo," my mom had said, she stopped in her tracks in the living room, dropping her bags at the sight of me.
My teeth clattered with a shiver. I tried to perk up, offering a weak grin, but it was all I could manage.
"It's okay," I breathed out, shakily lifting a hand for her. She came over to me and grabbed it, gasping at the cold of it. I closed my eyes in response to her warmth. I heard her sniffle, and when I opened my eyes, saw the tears welled up in her eyes. She met my gaze and, in some sad way, we confirmed we both knew.
Reid sat by my side, where he'd been for days. He was asleep, snoring soundly on the sofa. Lara walked through the living room and laid a blanket over him, and he sleepily rolled in response.
My mom pulled my hand up and held it to her face, and then kissed it over and over.
"I'm so sorry, baby," she cried.
I winced at a pain shooting through my chest, somehow unchecked by the constant pain medicine surging through my battered veins.
"Did you enjoy your trip?" I asked, trying to speak out loud, but it came as a whisper. She nodded. "Of course we did... I'm so sorry we weren't here with you." Tears flowed down her cheeks now, unashamedly.
The rest of my family filtered in the doors with large bags. Aaron carried in the baby, sleeping soundly in his carrier. They seemed to all take turns stopping and taking in the sight of me.
"Leo, you told us everything was okay," Aaron winced, coming over to me. He shook his head in disbelief at me.
"You needed a vacation," I whispered, turning my head to the side, trying to find a comfortable spot. I didn't find one. My whisper dissolved into a dry cough which jostled me. I groaned.
"Oh, Leo... god, man," he said, leaning forward in his seat now, hands covering his face. He sounded so pained. My mom rubbed his back gently. It was the first time other than that night in Nantucket, when Miles died that I'd seen Aaron like this. My mom excused herself. I think it was too much.
I shook my head.
I'd never understood why someone would say they were okay when they felt like they were dying. Now I did.
"I'm okay," I croaked, "really." I grinned with my eyes closed.
I peeked through my eyelashes.
He looked up at me, tears stained his cheeks, he looked stunned.
"Don't lie."
I looked plainly back at him, unable to muster up a facial expression for him.
"It's coming." My voice cracked over the words. 
"I'm dying."
Aaron scooted his chair forward, moving in to me. He looked odd. He looked sun-kissed and was wearing a t-shirt from Barcelona. He looked like he should be beaming, but instead he looked destroyed.
"Leo... I'm so sorry this is happening to you," he whispered.
My fevered body ached. I closed my eyes and drew in a weak breath.
"Could have been anyone."
I let the silence linger between us. Neither of us said anything until finally he sighed.
"But it's not. It's you."
I was so tired. Too tired.
I opened my eyes back to him then, and I had nothing to say. Neither did he. He leaned forward and kissed the top of my head. I reached a hand, tangled in IV line to pat his back.
"I love you, brother," he said. His voice sounded broken when he pulled away. My eyes were closed now. He waited a moment. Sleep was fighting for attention. He must have thought I was asleep already. He didn't say anything, but I heard him sniffle and begin to sob. I whispered through the heat.
"I love you too."

                                        ***
"Leo! Wake up!" A gentle voice called out, drawing me out of the heat and darkness of my sleep. I opened my eyes to find who was responsible.
Ophelia stood beside me.
"Leo, you look awful," she said. I swallowed dryly. I shrugged.
"You always say that."
She laughed. "You always look awful."
I rolled my eyes, turning weakly to the side.
"Leo, don't you wanna come with me?" She asked. I groaned.
"This again?"
She shrugged.
"Where? Can't you tell me where?" I asked impatiently.
"On a big adventure," she smiled. She took my hand in hers, "don't you want some adventure?"
I looked down at my thin and cold hands. I  ran my tongue over my cracked lips. For the first time, I found myself genuinely considering leaving with her.
"I'll think 'bout it," I mumbled sleepily.
She perked up.
"Okay, Leo. Get some rest. You will need it for our big adventure!" She spoke in poem, in lyric. Her metaphors made no sense to me. Her  riddles were too much for my foggy brain.
So instead of arguing, I just nodded. I closed my eyes and let the heat overwhelm me.