When I Die [Wattys 2016]

Chapter 53: Back To Nantucket

That night, around two am, Myra pulled up outside, headlights off like she did when we were sneaking out together in high school. I sat up, weakly. It was all I could manage. I watched her through the picture window. My parents had gone to bed some time before, exhausted from all they had to juggle. I had a hollow feeling in my chest when I thought of the prospects of dying away from them. I hoped it wouldn't happen, but it was always a possibility. I dug through my book bag beside my bed and pulled out my camera, clicking the side to open the SD card slot. I laid the full card  on the bedside table and scrawled out a note for them.
"In case I don't come back - Leo"
That would do. I sat the note on top of the card and stood up, shakily. Oscar the Dog looked curiously at the door, and back to me. His head was cocked to the side.
I held up a finger to my lips and whispered,
"Shh, Oscar. Don't bark. It's okay."
Accepting this, he flopped his head back down lazily.
Myra was at the door then, I saw her walk to the front. I made my way over and slid the lath open for her. My legs were shaking. I was so weak, it was infuriating.
She was illuminated by only the moonlight. Her smile glowed.
"You ready?" She whispered.
I nodded, but was leaning heavily into the wall. She walked around the bed and pulled around my wheelchair.
"Cmon, I got you," she said.
I sat in the wheelchair with more force than I'd like to have. She wheeled me over to the door, giving Oscar a pat.
She popped a wheelie to get me over the door jam quietly.
She juggled the lock and pulled it shut behind her.
My backpack was in my lap. It had been hard to pack with my mom not noticing. I'd pulled out clothes I hadn't worn in months. Clothes that made me feel like myself.
Myra wheeled me to the car, pulling to a stop by the passenger side door. A sudden jump from the back seat scared me. Reid popped up and whisper-shouted "Hey!"
"Dude you almost made me shit myself," I said, a hand over my beating heart. It was still beating. That was good anyways.
"Sorry, it was Myra's idea," he shrugged. Myra smiled. I lifted myself from the wheelchair with shaky limbs and lowered myself with great effort not to fall, into the seat.
Myra helped lift my legs into the car.
"You good?" She asked, noting the sheen of sweat on my face from my efforts.
I gave her a quick nod.
She buckled me in.
Reid hopped out and broke down my wheelchair, popping it into the trunk and quietly as possible, closing it.
I thought briefly of how scary it was they could be this silent and laughed to myself. What else could they be capable of?
Before I knew it, we were pulling out of my neighborhood.
"I put in directions to Big Sur," Myra mentioned as we pulled out of town, towards the interstate.
I shook my head.
"We have to go to Nantucket."
Reid leaned forward between the seats. He perked up an eyebrow.
"Isn't that in Massachusetts? That will take forever, Leo."
"That's where we always went when I was a kid," I said. I was feeling very tired by now, although at the same time, oddly buzzing with excitement.
"Leo, we're already pushing it going to California... Massachusetts is so far away," Myra said.
I wrapped myself deeper in my hoodie and pulled the hood on top of my head where a beanie already sat.
"I know. I know. It's just, I have to see it again. I don't know... I can't explain it," I said, truthfully. I don't know why I needed to be there, to see it again. But I did.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Myra give a hesitant glance to Reid, and he returned it with a shrug.
I closed my eyes then and drifted off.

When I woke up, I was sweating. It was so hot. I groaned.
"Ugh, god."
I sat up and uncurled from my hoodie.
"You okay Leo?" Reid asked from the back seat.
"It's hot. Why is it so hot?"
He shrugged.
"I think that's just you, buddy."
Ugh. I groaned again. He was right.
I blinked and wiped the sleep from my eyes. Out the window, all I saw for miles was plains. Myra slurped on an icee and then laid her freezing hand on my forehead. It was incredible. I leaned into this embrace.
"Where're we?" I mumbled.
"Kansas! Passed the state line a little while ago. We're gonna stop to eat in Junction City. That's in like... three... four hours?" He squinted at the map in his hands.
I nodded.
"But if you're hungry now, we stopped and got some snacks!" Reid exclaimed.
I cringed.
"'M not hungry... thanks though."
I leaned back into the window and tried to focus on anything besides the horrible sense of dread I felt constantly gnawing at my brain.
"You alright, babe?" Myra asked lowly.
I shrugged at first, but then nodded.
"Of course, just... trying to wake up."
She nodded back, but I knew she knew better.
"Kansas then? So we are heading east?" I realized.
She smiled, so did Reid.
"Of course, Leo. This is your trip." I smiled at them, a full genuine smile.
"I appreciate it. Thank you."
Reid gently mussed my hair.
"Oh, cmon buddy, what are friends for?"
Myra winked at me.

The car ride was just beginning to make me sick when we finally reached Junction City. The ride had been full of songs, poorly sang by Reid, until he himself began to feel carsick.
"Why didn't you guys tell me you get carsick? You don't think that would be useful information to someone driving you on a thirty hour car ride?" Myra questioned in disbelief. She took in Reid's pale pallor as he shrugged.
"I've never been on long car trip in the back!" He looked positively green.
"You guys are nuts," Myra said, half laughing and walking away from us and into the diner we were now parked in front of.
Reid helped me into my wheelchair and pushed me behind her.
Reid's motion sickness did not deter him from eating, as expected.
"Oh, wow, these are so good," he mumbled through a mouthful of pancakes. Just watching his gluttony turned my own stomach, reminding me of how hollow I was inside.
Myra forked at her eggs.
"Leo? Are you still feeling carsick?"
She looked concerned.
I shook my head.
"I'm fine, just... nervous, I guess," I said.
I took a sip of my orange juice.
"Nervous 'bout what?" Reid asked through a bite of toast.
"I guess, of what's coming," I admitted.
Myra cocked her head to the side, and Reid wiped his lips with a napkin.
"I'm sorry, Leo. I thought this trip might make you feel better," Myra sympathized.
I quickly shook my head.
"It's not that, I'm really happy to be here... really. Thank you guys for doing this. You don't know how much it means to me."
They both grinned.
"We'd do anything for you, man! You know that," Reid said, "just, nothing weird."
We laughed at that.
"Alright honeys, do you reckon you need more coffee? You're on a mighty long car ride! Better fuel up," our waitress, Hazel said, pouring coffee into both Myra and Reid's cups.
"Thank you Hazel," Reid said back to her, "Your coffee is the best I've ever had!"
Hazel smirked, an older woman in her sixties, with burgundy hair cut short and in giant, rolled curls on top of her head, she tilted her head to the side.
"No need to flirt with me son, I've already given you your food!" She laughed, and so did we. Reid's face turned a funny shade of red.
After our stop at the diner, Reid insisted on driving.
"Please? If I get back in the backseat I will hurl."
Myra gave him a brief look and then tossed the keys to him. He caught them in midair.
She wheeled me around to the front and locked the wheels of my chair while I lifted myself into the seat.
"Steady," she reminded me as I trembled.
I lowered myself back into the passenger seat and she lifted my legs once again.
"Are you feeling okay?" She asked me, as she buckled me in.
"A little nauseous, it's not bad, though," I confessed.
"Let me know if it gets worse, okay? I'll grab you a bag just in case."
She kissed my head and I closed my eyes tightly, nodding.
Reid sat himself in the drivers seat and ceremoniously cracked open a ginger ale from the gas station connected to the diner. He gave an obnoxious "ahh" when he took the first sip.
"Do you feel better?" I asked.
He smirked, "I felt better a while ago. I've been dying to drive Myra's car since junior year. I had to take my chance," he said, adjusting the seat and mirrors. I shook my head at him with a disbelieving smile.
"Myra needs to sleep too anyway. You and I got our turn on the way here."
This was true. I felt much better after my six hours of sleep, but I guess anyone would, after sleeping that long. I felt a little guilty knowing Myra had driven that by herself, since Reid was asleep too.
Myra popped the back door and hopped in. She handed me an empty grocery bag and laid a Sprite by my lap.
"Thanks," I said, and she nodded. Reid gave my an incredulous, and almost fearful look.
"Are you sick?"
I furrowed my eyebrows at him.
"I'm sorry, have you missed the last year and however many months?"
He rolled his eyes.
"I meant the bag, jackass," he smirked.
"Just a little carsick. I should be okay," I shrugged.
"I always told you we were brothers," Reid grinned.
"Yeah, well there's some things I'd rather not share with you," I said, cracking open the Sprite.
Myra had already curled up into a ball in the backseat and was resting her head on my book bag. She was snoring quietly.

Everything should have felt fine, but something wasn't. I couldn't figure out what it was at the time. As we peeled out of the diner parking lot, I did my best to shove the anxiety to the side and enjoy the ride.
"Just twenty-four more hours! A whole day," Reid noted as we pulled back onto the highway, "this time tomorrow, we'll be at the beach."