Under Control (Ticci Toby X Reader)

Chapter Four

Amy had gone home and I stayed, it was edging towards dusk. I stayed still on the brick fence that was like a low wall. Went through a couple smokes, finished my drink, and just talked to myself. Odd as it seems when people talk to themselves, it was perfectly natural. I mainly just felt like there two sides of me. One side that focused on the world and one that focused on my inner emotions, anger was very evident in my little solo-conversation.

Why did I stay here? Stay here at this park that was across from a college campus? I just did, no explanation. My legs begged not move so did my mind. I just wanted to breathe, sit, and relax. I just wanted an escape. Everything crumbles at one point. The point for this little relaxing and anger-release session with myself ended when it was dark. My gray truck stood where it had for the past hours, alone in the large parking lot.

I hopped in and started it, checked the mirrors, and was about to shift it into gear. But I didn't. My hand just didn't move. I felt this spark in my head. It was a spark that sent me to this silent, solemn phase. I gradually turned everything off. My eyes stared back at me as I squinted at the mirror, letting the darkness infiltrate. My heart and mind felt like a heavy cushion was suffocating them. I let my head hit the back of the seat, letting this depressing aura surround me. I closed my eyes and soon went limp. I felt numb. A very odd feeling, it was like you were happy to invite it like it was a part of you. Like you were so used to it and oddly enjoyed it. I enjoyed its company. I broke the silence as I chuckled, "I could really go for some booze."

The bar wouldn't accept me after a fight broke out before. It was a damn lovely fight, I tell you. I sourly won with curse words flying here and there in victory as I was dismissed from the premise. Wasn't that long ago. So, I had one way to get the craving booze.

Shuffling through drawers and cabinets, I found the stash of liquor and vodka that my aunt had hidden. She still didn't know about my love or these. Surprising since I usually smelt it from my own breath. It didn't matter too much if I smelt of booze. I wasn't here to impress anyone!

I poured the liquor with (fav drink) and drank it throughout the night. I didn't necessarily feel all happy and get drunk from this type of drinks. It was tough to get me drunk. All it really did was make me feel something. I get tired of feeling numb, so when that happens, this happens. And this happens 24/7. I knew the people who knew about my habit, had always criticized me or try to get me to get out of the habit. It never helped, to be honest.

I lied sprawled out on my bed, still feeling numb. Then I thought about things, thought and thought. And I started to feel myself slip in a crying session that happens every once in awhile. It was short, but the pain eased away.

Poke! I felt myself reflexively twitch to my side. I groaned and squinted at whom done it. Who the he-, "W-Wake up!" Oh, him. I sat up and so him at the side of the bed. I picked myself from the bed, still in my day clothes. "I'm going to need your help," he stated plainly, twitching his neck to the side.

I threw on boots since I didn't want to deal with laces. They were in tangles and knots anyway.  He made his way to the window that was open. "I didn't even have that unlocked," I pointed out.

"Then lock i-it better next time," he suggested as he opens the window wider and flipped out onto it, landing on the roof of the porch. I followed his lead curiously and cautiously as we made it down the house. I noticed my aunt's white Taurus in the driveway to our decent sized home. She probably thinks I went out with a friend or something.

I walked a little behind him, "Hey, what's your name anyway?" He walked a slow pace, looked at me studying my face.

"T-Toby," he flinched a bit. "You s-seem a bit out there, h-here," he dug in his stuffed pockets and yanked out a black bandana. "It's all I have."

I tied it around my face, over my nose. He studied me, then without warning, yanked the hood of my coat over my head. "Better," he seemed to smile, but I couldn't know fully with the mouth guard. 

"Well, Toby, thanks. So where are we heading?" I asked, praying I wasn't going to see something morbid.

But, you know how life is? It's a bitch. A cold hearted bitch. 

"So, you agreed t-to help me c-clean up, now help me," he reminded me as he threw a shovel towards me and picked another from the back of the old, rusty truck.

"Sorry! I just wasn't expecting to see a family of chopped limbs!" I yelled sarcastically as I wiped the vomit from my face with my sleeve.

"It was either you s-seeing this, or your aunt b-being this!" He barked as he dug into the dirt. "Now help me!"

Suck it up, I can puke again later- I guess. I tied the bandana back on and made sure it was stronger, regretting every life choice as I smelled the copper, crimson fluid. As  I knew my stomach wouldn't empty out again, I gripped the shovel and starting digging. Screaming internally.

It wasn't long before sirens could be heard outside the forest, Toby prodded me to keep digging as fast as I could as he reached over the bodies in the rear of the truck, grabbed a tank of gasoline. He ran while spilling it onto the bodies and around the area and over where I was shoveling. The sirens were louder. Without any saying, he gripped onto my shoulder tightly and starting running, he stopped flicked a match and dropped it, then ran again. I never ran so far, so fast in my twenty years of living.

(1070 Words!)