There Must Be Something More

4 | Moments Of Peace

The peace never left me. And it seemed as if the peace led me to her. My feet walked itself to her homeroom. I didn't know what I was going to say, what I was going to do--all I knew was that I couldn't not go.

All of a sudden I wanted to have more of her sticky notes. I wanted to read more of them. I wanted more peace.

And then I saw her. She was talking to another girl. I wondered if she had more sticky notes in her backpack, her pockets, whatever. I wondered what they said.

I wanted to get close to her. I wanted to talk to her just like the other girl. I wanted to know more about the quotes she's been giving.

I was about to. And then indistinct voices behind me. I backed up. I looked behind and saw Calum and Amanda. Suddenly the peace was interrupted by fear.

What will my friends think if suddenly I become all religious?

And then I cowered. Instead of approaching Meredith, I turned on my heel and gave in to my fear. I ran out of there. I didn't even want to talk to my friends. I regretted walking away, but I knew I was going to regret it more if I went to Meredith. I knew it. I knew it.

Or did I?

The question lingered inside even as I stepped onto my pickup. Do I really know what will happen if I approached Meredith? Will I really have any regrets? Do I really care what my friends think that much?

Whatever the answer, it was drowned out as my engine roared to life. That afternoon I didn't feel like drinking, hanging out with Krista, going out. I wanted to go home. I wanted to read my two notes from Meredith. I wanted to feel that unfamiliar peace I felt when I believed the words.

When I went downstairs my mom was giving me this weird look. When I asked her what, she said: "You look different."

Different how? I asked.

"You look happy," she said. She was smiling too. But mine was wider.

And so that morning my smile never went away. I found myself looking forward to the next day. As I drove past the church, I slowed down to read what it said.

Today it said:

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. ~Matthew 6:34

I grinned. I drove on to school. My cheeks hurt from smiling.

I practically made a bee line towards my locker. I was anxious and excited all the same time. I couldn't understand it. All I understood was that I was excited for the words. Even when I did see them on the church sign, I wanted to read them all over again.

I was the first to get to my locker. When I see her approach my way, I waved. She handed me a sticky note, I said thanks and read. I smiled. I skipped the way to my next class. I did my best to hide them in my pocket.

I smiled the whole time. I had never met moments of peace like it.

Until lunch came.

Calum stopped in his tracks. He fell behind me. I turned.

He looked at me, an orange sticky note in his hand. "Borlock, what is this?"

And the fear came again.