Love, Honey

#5 *SS - Lost

People are all around me, yet I'm alone. I'm lost.

The crowd scares me, everyone seems animated, controlled by something bigger than humanity. Every movement seems synchronised, but the crowd never moves the same way. It's paradox really. I'm still lost.

I don't know how to move like them. From time to time someone falls, but gets back up again, the struggle barely noticeable. It almost seems like someone invisible is helping them up, giving them a crutch, someone to lean and rely on. To me it looks like they're hovering over the ground, no effort is needed to move forward. I'm lost.

After being possessed by my demons I fell out of this normality displayed everywhere. The monsters show me things I don't want to see, they make me do things I never imagined I'd do. I'm so lost.

Some people say that you have to lose your way to find it. I choose to believe them; therefore, I try not to protest. But I've been lost for the longest time, it seems, and I'm tired of always getting up on my own. I can't see the light the crowd is seeing. I'm lost.

If someone were to say that it's a bad thing to be part of the crowd, I'd laugh and tell them that sticking out like a sore thumb is even worse. I have experienced both parts, fitting in and sticking out, but while you might feel special not being part of the crowd, you're lonely. You're lost. You feel like you don't belong. You feel sad.

Sometimes I wonder why people think moving with the crowd is so bad. The way I see it, life can't be won without moving in groups. Take wolves as an example: Wolves move in packs because one wolf on its own would die. The lone wolf always dies. It's actually really sad how much we have in common with these "wild" animals, but yet we are way worse anyway. Surely, wolves have their rivalry about who is the alpha and who act as omega. But normally nobody dies since it's the principle of strength in numbers.

I really like comparing the human species with wolves since we can all learn from these amazing creatures. The way they learn how to survive simply amazes me. The human kind can still learn from "wild animals", like wolves. Actually, it really pains me to think of wolves as "wild", since many use it in a bad way. In my opinion they are just free. Not wild. Free.

Everyone who keeps saying that going with the flow is worse than anything is already acting against their own thoughts, since many say that. Again, that's a paradox. Somehow the crowd, the flow, is always somewhat of a paradox. It's quite funny, isn't it?

Many address the paradox of life, most I don't respect because, in my opinion, they talk complete and utter bollocks. Most have never experienced different paradoxes of life, they just repeat what they've heard somewhere, thinking people will buy their lies. Somehow the only good and believable preachers are those who have seen some sh*t. They who know what they're talking about are those who truly experienced the paradox that is life. I'm not saying that I've seen every part, but I've seen more than most my age. Lucky me... Not!

Most days I want to be a wolf, or at least like one: Free. But I don't know how to do that. I'm too lost to be free. For now. But that will change. I know I will find myself and once I do, I will be able to break free and live the way that's best for me. But for now, I'm lost. And that's okay.

A/N

Hello lovely readers!

I really hope you have enjoyed "Lost", even though I quite literally got lost in the middle of it... I wanted to thank you for reading this little book of my artwork, even though I'm not on schedule every week.

I love you, stay strong and don't be afraid to message me!

Love, Honey