Love, Honey

#13 *SS/R - I need a moment

I need a moment. A moment to calm my mind, to rest my muscles, to be myself. I need somebody. Somebody to talk to, to love, to have memories with. I need a break.

Right now, I'm working nonstop. Whatever I do, I give it my all. I put everything I have in it. I feel drained, there's no power left. Yet, I can't stop working. I need to achieve the goal I've set for myself. I cannot stop until I do. My sleep is getting worse because I can't seem to reach my deadline when I spend time sleeping. I'm restless, yet tired. I need sleep, but at the same time I don't. My deadline is getting closer and I' really close to just giving up. I can't keep being this tense. It's not healthy.

My parents don't see what I do as working, it seems they don't want to see me working. They think I'm not doing anything but chilling. They're wrong. I stay up all night working for whatever I need to work for. What's sleep? What's rest? I haven't had a restful sleep in quite some time. I would need one, but I stop myself from getting rest. I'm just going to keep going until I have no other choice but to give up. I know I'm working too hard, but frankly I don't care. When I feel the need to work, when I want to achieve something, I'm tense, I'm not stopping until I got it done. But it's fine. I know better times will come. I know one day I won't have to worry all the time anymore. I know I can reach my deadline and I know that once I do, I will finally be able to rest. Rest for the first time in forever.

That sounds so good, so peaceful. I cannot wait for the moment I can fall onto my bed, hog the blankets and sleep heavenly sleep. I can't wait to finally relax. I hate how tense I am at the moment, even though I try to keep some mindful habits and relax for a couple of minutes every day. It's not really working, but I'm trying and that's the most important part. I'm trying. But still, I need a moment for myself and that's okay.

A/N

Hello everybody!

This short little update has basically one use... I wanted to tell you guys that I'm taking a break from social media. I don't know for how long I'll be gone, probably like a month or two. I need to do so many things and frankly I don't think that I'll be able to handle social media and this huge change in my life at the same time.

That is also what I was talking about in this short story. I need all the energy I can get to achieve my goal, which right now is getting a job so I can graduate from school (German school systems are weird... I can graduate by doing social work for a year). I can't really concentrate on writing short stories right now, even though this is one of the things that really relax me.

I won't be gone forever and if there's anything urgent, if you really need to talk to me, you can always reach out to me. I cannot promise that I'll answer right away, but I will answer.

I love you all very, very much. You guys are all so special and I hope you'll be having a great month even without me updating. Stay strong, I believe in you!

Love, Honey