The Rebound Theory

08| Aashi

Aashi|08

When he closes up on me, my voice seems to get caught in my throat. I guffaw, at him in panic, in perseverance. To not let him win. Boys shouldn't win everything. Especially not our hearts. Only to scar them for lives.

*What better way to diffuse a serious situation rather than by panickingly laughing. Guess what? My voice came out as a squeaky cough.*

Neel takes a step back, giving me some space to breath. And I do, what I should. I slap myself back  to reality.

"I won't reconsider, you. You. . . you really reckon me of cream puffs."

"But you said. . . tomato ones," Neel smirks, folding his muscular arms on his chest. I gulp, and try to look away to stop the tremors creeping in on my thighs.

"Umm. . . yeah. You're kind of a mixed kind."

"Thank god, she didn't relate you to some spicy, gay food," Arjun slaps Neel's back, "yeah, I mean think of you being, spicy cream, noodles with chaat (Indian street food)."

"What are you're talking about, man?" Neel laughs. We all look bewildered at Arjun but he just shrugs his shoulders.

Just then, the bell for the morning assembly rings and we all pile up in the front of the school grounds for a good twenty minutes of boredom.

                        ****

As we grow up, people start putting their inhibitions on us, the way we dress, the way we laugh, the way the colours synchronize with the surroundings are something they can't see. They can't see the possibilities. I want to go back to being five, when life was easier.

When I could wear anything I wanted, eat anything I wanted, laugh the way I wanted, play as long as I could and throw tantrums once in a while and people would still love me for who I really am. I count on Ria for loving my sordid ass.

But the one person I couldn't count on was Rohit. Like I used to. Like we should've. And that hurt like a bitch.

Once upon a time, we got into doing sketches. I was saving money for it. There was a book- fair by Scholastic held inside school. He held my hand as we walked into it. He decided on a green sketch book in a minute.

But, I was lost. In a world of possibilities. I wanted to run my fingers through different sketchbooks, peer through the pages as to what they had to offer. I wanted to even smell the way the new pages do as it made my heart happy.

After a couple of minutes, Rohit grew agitated. He said he had to leave. He left me alone in a diverse realm of opportunities. I felt my heart skip a bit. I wasn't used to Rohit leaving me, and I'm the one left for making my own decisions. I was dependent on him that way.

That was the first time I made a decision by myself.

Now looking back to it, and looking the way Rohit has his fingers interwined with Saheema's in the morning assembly, makes me wonder if I made a right decision.

Leaving him was the second decision I made on my own.

                          ****

He kisses me. Behind the space where my ear ended, and the ridge of my neck started. It feels so intimate, as his touch is feather- light but soothingly warm. It sends shivers down my back and there are butterflies fluttering in my stomach. So, when he kisses me next, on my shoulder bone, I can't resist.

"Ro. .Rohit. . can you. . . can you, " I catch my breath, between all the fuzziness, "Umm. . .can we do this later? I promised Ria I would meet her an hour ago. She'll be thoroughly pissed."