The Rebound Theory

14| NEEL

14 | NEEL

I can't believe she did that. She ran away the first chance she got. I should've known this. Fuck it, I've already known about her intermittent flight issues. With her, it's total abandonment or recoil. Or whatever comes first. Depend on her to destroy and laugh a cunning giggle over my feelings. But there for a moment, I saw a flicker of hope, I found her fighting whatever she was thinking. She stumbled for a bit in her head, I could see clearly the ongoing battle with her feelings in her eyes.

Or, is it just what I have chose to think? To give some semblance or a hope for the future. Or I'm just stupid enough to chase after my feelings?

"Dude, you're eating all of my chips," Arjun's voice brings me out of my jumble of thoughts, "why do you always have to stress eat? And always at my home?" He's gazing at me with a serious smile. "Now, lay it all down."

"Nothing has happened for me to lay it down at ya."

"Then why the sudden sinning with potato chips?" He clucks his tongue, eyeing me bored.

"I was just thinking. . . ugh, it's the same thing all over again." I take a huge gulp of the beer that I've been straddling on my lap. The cold water condenses on the cool glass bottle and it runs over my fingers, somehow calming me down. "I didn't know this will happen. I thought. . . I had a feeling, she felt something for me."

"We back on the Aashi train, huh? It took you three years to board it." He ends his sentence with a sardonic smile.

"Well," I get up, putting the bottle back on the dining table, "I never un- boarded it."

"So you liked her all this time?" Arjun glares at me, half- pissed and half- smiling, accepting my truth with acquiescence. "I thought I knew you."

"You don't know me." I take my keys off the table, and move towards the front door. "Neither does she."

3 YEARS BACK

It was a spring morning and the cool breeze was blowing and slapping against my face. I felt a cold shiver run over my skin so I pull my shirt sleeve's tighter over my fingers. I walk down the playground where the senior boys were having a football match and the girls were supposed to attend because we were playing a practice match with one of the reputed football school teams in the state. The gym coach and other but few teachers decided to be there because they wanted to keep us from behaving in an unruly manner especially in a way that goes against the school agenda. Teachers. The next scheduled match was ours. I take a long breath and shove my hand in my hair in a stupid attempt to make it look half decent. I wanted to make sure I looked cool. Cool enough that she'll notice.

My eyes start drilling into the crowd to find the one person I've expected to see. I couldn't wait to score a goal so she could be proud of me and her arms were slowly hugging my head and patting it because I played so well. As always she used to do when she found me playing excellently on the field or whenever I made a goal. I didn't know what I was feeing or supposed to feel but I liked the way she touched me. I couldn't stop myself from committing the act of touch.

There she was. Wearing an overly loose white shirt, her long hair in a ponytail, hair escaping from the sides and coddling her cute face. She takes out a gum from her jeans and sticks it in her mouth. Her eyes suddenly lightens up. She's sizing someone up and down where the boys are huddled up, I'm sure talking about the pre- game strategy. A smile comes over her lips. She grins from ear to ear and her right hand lifts up and she starts to wave. I follow her line of sight. It goes behind where I'm standing.

Of course, it's him. The backstabbing whore of a friend. He has always known what I felt towards her. But that didn't stop him. Why would it? The path has always been clear for him. He has always been her best friend. The sad thing is, he made me believe he was on my side not gunning for my girl. My eyes immediately water. But I try to keep it all in. I look away, but my mind is controlling enough to make me look back.

I watch them with a bated breath. Not of relief but grief. I grieve for my heart.

I see the things unfolding exactly for what I've been waiting the whole year for. It's like committing the act of sight. I'm seeing something I shouldn't see. Her hands, his neck, wrapped around, his torso, her legs lifted off the ground. I can't see anymore. No more. Someone should take away what I just made myself see. Memories. Everything. I don't want it. I don't want the pain searing in my chest as it gets agitated whenever I make myself look back in their direction and eye my reality hard. This is my fucking reality. This is how it has been and always will be and I should be man enough to make myself believe this.

She is not mine. She never will be.

That was three years ago.

My hands are firmly rested on the steering wheel and a sudden jolt of pain makes me grip it hard. I breathe harder as I race my car faster than the guys I'm currently trying to beat. I feel my emotions elated and everything else going numb inside me. This is exactly what I needed. I crank up the speed and the car takes a swerve right at the curb and I'm going faster than ever before. My adrenaline shoots up as I look in the rearview mirror, they are far behind me. But I don't slow down, I rev the engine and my palms are clammy as I'm gazing ahead on the highway. I need this high. I want this high.

Then, a message shoots up. I reach for my phone lying in the cup holder and on the screen illuminating is her name. That's all I see. Aashi. Aashi. Aashi. I start slowing down and take a hard long breath. I put my car on park and lose the breath I'm holding. I clasp the phone in both of my hands and close my eyes. I hit the steering hard in pain. Why does she always have to do this?

AASHI

I want to talk, Neel. It wasn't fair of me to run away like that. Please wait for me after school tomorrow. See you. x

Something flamboyant flutters inside me. I see hope. I have hope in a long while.

I know I couldn't change something that happened a few years back, but the destiny is in my hands now. Either I let her in or I let him win.