Paper Trails 2 | Draft

14.

"And then it all started to fall apart. Again."

*****

"I wish things were different."

My head was on Tyler's shoulders, and we were seated on the floor next to each other.

"Different how?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Just different. I wish we knew each other under different circumstances. I use to think about what might change everything. If my dad stayed, maybe my mom wouldn't have started drinking so much. Or maybe if she had gotten the help she needed, it wouldn't have gotten so bad. She wouldn't have died so soon.

"You're not supposed to think about the what ifs."

My lips twitched. "Yeah. I just—" I straightened up so I could look him in the eye. "I don't know. I just wish our friendship was built on different circumstances."

"What matters is we're here. We've gotten through everything together so far. That doesn't need to stop. You and me, Ny. You're my best friend, you know?"

"You and me," I replied softly, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him. "We're all we've got."

*****

It was amazing what time does. You start to forget, and you don't even realize it. I'd forgotten how this felt. Being in the arms of someone you know had your best interest at heart. Someone who unconditionally cared for you.

Everything about him was different. But maybe nothing was different and all, maybe it was me. I reluctantly pulled away so I could look him in his eyes. They were warmer. Softer. My eyes watered, and I blinked back the tears before they could fall. I hated the emotional side of me—the side that longed for an attachment to someone or something.

Being alone was easy. Dealing with it was a whole different story.

No one spoke. His lips parted, but nothing came out and I was still too stunned to try to make a sound. I wanted to hug him again, but my body seemed to have froze up on me. I didn't know what to say or do.

Someone cleared their throat, and I turned in time to see Niccolò walking towards the big guy, giving us our privacy. They stood a distance away, lighting cigarettes and talking amongst themselves.

This was the second time Nic had done something like this, and it was still the most amazing thing he could have done. Seeing Tyler always made me feel better.

"Your hair's shorter," he said, twirling a strand around his finger. His lips lifted. "I like it."

Still unable to form coherent sentences, I threw my arms around him again. My face felt wet, and I instantly knew I was crying. So much for not getting too emotional. He chuckled, his arms circling around my shoulders. We could have been standing there hugging for hours and I wouldn't have noticed. He was here. He was okay.

Happiness wasn't even a strong enough word to describe how I felt.

I finally calmed down and pulled away again. "You're here."

He nodded. "I'm here."

"I missed you," I whispered, gripping onto his jacket and tugging a little. "So fucking much."