Paper Trails 2 | Draft

44.

"Tell me where your heart is, tell me where you keep it, tell me where it stays."

******

Sofia.

She was dead.

Why did he lie? Nic had said Sofia was the daughter of capofamiglia. He said that's why no one could have her. He said he saved her life, and her father was so grateful he wished them to be together. He said they eventually broke up and she moved away.

But that wasn't true. Because according to Rochester, the capofamiglia's daughter is dead.

Sofia Moretti. That was her name. His first love. The girl he saved, the girl whose father approved of him, the girl whose arm and hair was in the photograph on his eighteenth birthday--she was dead. She was killed. Murdered. By who?

I didn't stick around. Couldn't.

Nothing made sense. He'd lied about this, about this. What else? What more did he lie about? I don't know how I got home, but I did and a wave of nausea washed over me the second I stepped inside. I ran into the bathroom and threw up the muffin. I threw up until my stomach was empty, my throat was dry, and I was dry heaving. Tears ran down my face in frustration, and I buried my fingers in my hair, tugging at the roots.

Sofia was dead.

Why didn't he tell me?

Raven was by my side the second she heard me retching, asking me what was wrong, asking me what happened, if I was okay. No. I'm not okay.

I wanted to ask her if she knew. I wanted to ask if she was as clueless as I was or if I was the only person in the world stupid enough to trust his word. A man's word is his honor.

He told me that too.

Bullshit.

I was so tired. So unbelievably tired. I was dragged into this mess and I had no idea how far it went.

Sofia was dead, and he couldn't tell me. There was only one reason why.

He never got over her.

How could he? If he loved her, and she was killed, how could he get over that? How could anyone?

Raven helped me up and I crawled into bed. She crawled in next to me. It didn't matter how much she asked, I stayed silent. I was hurt. Tired. Betrayed. Lied to for so long. Stupid. I was stupid, because I kept forgetting who he was. What he was. Some people are inherently evil. I saw it in the photographs today. No one could do what he did and still claim to be good. No one could love someone who did what he did and claim to be good.

I got a text from Brandon, and ignored it. I didn't need more burdens. I didn't need to explain myself or my reasons for not wanting to meet his parents. I didn't need to tell him I cheated. I didn't need to do anything.

I didn't care anymore.

When you care, you become stupid.

I'll never allow myself to look stupid again.

*****

My head was hurting, and the two Advil I'd taken a half hour ago had yet to work. I'd woken up with the headache, just as I'd fallen asleep with one. I groaned, pressing two fingers against my left temple.

"Stupid," Raven snapped at me as she emerged from the kitchen with a cup, "that's going to make it worse."

I closed my eyes and sighed, pressing my palm against my forehead. "This shit is ridiculous."