Solangelo Oneshots

Request #4

For: rasberrycrescent

Requested lines: 18, 22

WARNING: Mild Swearing

Note: Let's all pretend that when Nico was in Tartarus, he did some unspeakable things that has left him feeling really guilty and undeserving.

[If you want to request a story click on the external link and it will send you to the LIST chapter]

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Nico di Angelo stared at the small gift on his bed. It was cute, bright yellow. He approached it warily, gently taking it in his hands and turning it around to inspect every corner. 

  He gave out a small sigh as he opened it, seeing yet another reminder that Will Solace was now his boyfriend. He held the small box of band-aids with care, snorting when he saw what was written on the front in big, bold letters: I'll kiss it better anytime you want me to.

  The dark haired boy tightened his hold on the box, closing his eyes and sighing.

  I don't deserve this.

 And he didn't. Nico did not deserve this kind of love. Nico didn't deserve warm hugs after tiring days, he didn't deserve small kisses on the nose when he was feeling especially terrible, he didn't deserve the attention that Will gave him and he definitely didn't deserve being loved by Will.

  Nico wasn't deserving of any of those things and yet, he had them.

  He collapsed onto his bed, lying down while staring at the ceiling. He wondered why Will loved him in the first place. He'd told Will several times to just leave and break up with him already but it hadn't worked and unfortunately when Nico wasn't  telling Will to find someone better, he could barely speak to the older boy without tripping on his own words.

  Will Solace had that effect on people.

  A small voice inside of his head told Nico that he should enjoy all of the affection and warmth until it lasted but Nico knew better.

  Nico had seen too many things and hurt too many people. Tartarus had been a dark, dark time and he'd done too many bad things to too many good people all because he was desperate to get out of there. Nico had used people, manipulated them. 

  Nico had seen people die because of him and he was broken. No one could love something broken, something broken didn't deserve love.

  A small gust of wind startled Nico as he sat upright in his bed, looking towards where his cabin door had just opened. His eyes widened at the sight of Will, a small permanent smile etched onto his face. The golden haired boy approached Nico with a general aura of happiness, Nico tried getting up and moving away as he approached him but Will gently put his hands on Nico's hips. Stopping him dead in his tracks.

  Will smiled wider as he saw Nico avoiding his gaze, looking anywhere but Will because oh my god his hand are on my hips.

  Even after about 2 weeks of "dating" (or as Nico liked to call it: Putting up with Will until he moves on to someone better) Nico still wasn't comfortable with the general displays of affection that Will insisted on showing him on a daily basis. Will ducked his head a little, trying to make eye contact with Nico, finally releasing his hand from one of Nico's hips to place it gently under his chin.

  "Hey." He said simply, softly.

 Nico sighed a little, deciding to begin his daily routine once again, "Will-"

  "What is it this time?"

  "You .... are you sure? That you want to be with me? Because-"

 "Angel," Will interrupted, "How many times are we going to have this conversation?"

 As long as it takes you to realize I'm not worth it.

 "I love you, okay? Honestly, is it really that hard to accept? I mean, seriously, your incompetence in these matters still surprises me."

  Nico let himself be pushed down onto the bed, Will turned to face him, pulling him a little closer so that Nico's legs were resting gently on top if his own. He took Nico's face into both of his hands and turned it to face him. 

  "Do I scare you?" Will asked, only half joking. "Is that the problem here? Are we moving too fast?"

  Nico almost laughed, did Will scare him? Please.

  "No, of course not." Nico closed his eyes for a second, collecting his thoughts because although he wanted Will to leave him, he also knew that even the mere presence of the older boy made him a little lightheaded.

  His eyes snapped open. "I've done some very bad things."

  "You won't anymore."

 "I hurt people."

"You regret it."

"I am a complete monster."

"You're beautiful."

"I don't deserve this."

  Will's smile dropped from his face, "Don't you dare, Nico. You deserve every bit of this." Will pulled Nico onto his lap, not caring about the blush that was forming on both of their cheeks. He tightened his grip around the boy's waist, giving him a small peck on the lips. 

  "Will, please." Nico tried pushing Will away, only to have been pushed down himself so that he was lying straight down on the bed. Will loomed over him, "I. Love. You."

  Nico couldn't take it anymore, he clutched onto Will's shirt with both of his hands, tears welling up in his eyes. "Don't you fucking get it yet Will? I don't fucking deserve all of this stupid love because I'm the reason that so many other people have forgotten what it feels like. I stripped them of an emotion that gives you hope and makes you feel. I don't deserve to even live, much less be on the receiving end of that emotion!" Hot tears escaped Nico's eyes as he let it all out, his regret appearing in the form of water droplets.

  I want to be loved by you Will Solace, but I can't.

 Will felt himself tearing up, he sat up, pulling Nico into him calmly. His voice was steady but his tears came fast, "Okay." Nico felt the older boy's chin rest on his head, he cried into Will's chest even though he knew that he shouldn't.

  Will looked straight ahead knowing that if he risked even one glance down, he wouldn't be able to speak. "Okay, if that's really what you want. I'll stop. I'll stop with the kisses, the hugs, the gifts, I'll stop us, okay? I'll stop but Nico, angel, let me hold you for a little while longer." 

  Will almost choked on his words, "Please." He breathed out, a helpless plea in his voice.

  Nico buried his head deeper into Will's chest, holding him closer. He'd gotten what he'd wished for but why did it still hurt so much? 

  It hurts, Nico thought quietly to himself as he felt Will body rocking him unconsciously, because I really thought that maybe, just this once, I could've deserved it. I wanted to deserve it. 

  "Don't let go Nico, not yet," Will mumbled into Nico's hair.

  The younger only nodded, "I wasn't planning to."