TALK TO ME ¯ᶠʳᵉʳᵃʳᵈ

-ˏˋｔｗｏ：ｇｅｔｔｉｎｇ ａｎｓｗｅｒｓˊˎ-

WARNING:

Topics such as rape, self-harm, child abuse and homophobia are mentioned a lot through out this story. Do not proceed if these topics trigger you.

"

Gerard took off to his room in the basement like always and Mikey and I hung behind in the living room to play video games. I didn't pay attention to what game Mikey chose because my mind was busy thinking about Gerard. As much as I wanted to deny it, I did like him. Gerard was the only person who was ever comfortable around me even if I didn't talk to him. He accepted my silence so I felt like he accepted me. But I guess that didn't matter because he must have gotten tired of it. But two years later, he's talking to me again. I couldn't understand why.

"Fraaaank!" Mikey's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked over my shoulder to make sure Gerard was in his room before I spoke.

"What, Mikes?"

"Don't 'what, mikes' me! Your remote has been sitting in your lap and you haven't even touched it."

"Oh, sorry," I shrugged and picked up the remote. "I zoned out."

"When the fuck are you not zoned out?" Mikey laughed.

"True," I laughed weakly.

The game took off and I distracted myself by killing some zombies. I killed more zombies than Mikey and he was such a sore loser that he got up and turned off the game when he saw that there was no chance of him winning. I was glad he turned off the game because I needed a minute to talk to him. Before he flipped the TV to some random channel, I looked over my shoulder again to make sure Gerard wouldn't be coming soon.

"Mikey?"

"'Sup?"

"You know how Gerard has pretty much ignored me for two years?" I asked. Mikey knew all about Gerard and how he had been acting, minus the fact that I had a crush on him.

"Yeah," Mikey nodded.

"He talked to me today," I said. Mikey looked as surprised as I was.

"Really? What did he say?"

"He just asked what happened to my neck."

"He's really weird like that," Mikey shrugged. "That's how he is with me, too. One second, we're best buds and the next I don't even know him."

"It's really annoying," I sighed, sitting back on the sofa. "I can never figure him out."

Mikey's expression suddenly went serious and he stared right at me, eyes wide.

"What?" I asked, quickly looking around, thinking that someone had walked in, but there was no one and his eyes were still locked on me. "Seriously, what?!"

"Holy fuck," he whispered. "Holy fuck! You like Gerard!!!"

"Shit, Mikey, lower your damn voice!" I hissed, knowing I was turning red already. "I mean..and...no...no, I don't!"

"Shit, you definitely do!" Mikey gasped and then proceeded to fall on the floor dramatically and clutch on to his throat, fake gagging. "I think I'm gonna be sick. Oh my God, I feel so disgusted."

"Why would you be disgusted?! It's not like we've done anything!" Mikey sat right up and looked at me. "I mean...not that I want to, or even like him." Mikey raised a brow at me and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Oh, fuck me, ok I do!"

"Ha!" Mikey pointed a finger at me. "I always had a feeling. You liked spending too much time in that nasty basement."

"I was obvious?"

"Well to me," Mikey shrugged, taking a seat on the sofa next to me. "Gerard is pretty clueless so I don't think he noticed."

I looked down at my lap. Part of me wished Gerard had noticed, but then another part of me hoped he didn't. If distancing himself from me was his reaction to figuring it out, there was nothing good going on in his mind.

"You should talk to him," Mikey said, slapping my shoulder-a little too hard. This guy didn't understand how to mess around without pain.

"What?"

"I mean-no-not like that-I know you can't or won't," he stuttered, obviously regretting his choice of words, but it didn't bother me. I knew what he meant.

"It's ok, Mikes, I know what you mean."

"Ok, good, sorry that came out wrong."

I shook my head and looked back down at my lap.

"As much as I'm disgusted by the thought of you and my brother, well, you know, being together-ugh gross-I think you should figure out what's up with him. Get an answer out of him at least so you don't torture yourself about it."

I just stared at Mikey. As ridiculous as he could be at times, when he wanted to be serious, this guy was better than any therapist.

"You're actually ok with that?" I asked.

"Yeah! I'm his brother so I'm used to his shitty attitude, but you like him so it's different for you."

"So how should I do it?" I asked, already feeling nervous.

"Well I know you don't like talking at all, but you think you could just text him or something? I mean go down there and use your phone?"

Mikey knew that even when texting people, I still got unbelievably nervous. It wasn't just my voice, I just hated interacting with people, so texting on my phone was only used for emergency purposes.

"I think I could..." I mumbled, pulling my phone out of my front pocket.

"Just go for it," he encouraged. "I know Gerard can be weird, but he's nice somewhere under all that nasty dirt and grease from not showering. Ugh, nasty. Why do you like him again?"

"I have my reasons," I laughed.

"Ew, that better not be dirty!"

"No!" I laughed again, standing up. I had to do it. As hard as my heart was beating, and my brain was screaming not to, I turned away from Mikey and walked towards Gerard's basement.

I took a few deep breaths before knocking gently on the door. I pressed my ear against it, just in case I missed his voice, but there was nothing. I knocked again and when I still got no reply, my nerves got the best of me and I spun on my heels, ready to run away, but ran straight into Mikey.

"You're not chickening out already," Mikey said. "Go in."

I shook my head, afraid that Gerard might hear me from behind the door. Mikey mock nodded and pushed me aside. He swung the door open and I threw my hands over my mouth, not that there would be any sound coming out. That was just my version of a yell. Before I could do anything else, Mikey pushed me inside and slammed the door shut behind me. I stumbled down the stairs, managing not to trip until I got to the last step and tumbled into the room like an idiot, hitting my head on the floor. I was too scared to look up, knowing I just embarrassed the hell out of myself.