TALK TO ME ¯ᶠʳᵉʳᵃʳᵈ

-ˏˋｆｉｆｔｅｅｎ：ａｌｏｎｅˊˎ-

Where the fuck was he??
It's been five days since I last saw Gerard-well since anyone saw Gerard. After our encounter on Monday morning, when I slapped him, I hadn't seen him or heard from him. We were all worried sick about him. His mom and dad didn't want to show how scared they were that something might have happened, so they acted normal, but I knew how worried Donna was. She would get up in the middle of the night anytime she heard a car-for Donna, that was huge, because usually nothing could wake her up.

As for me, well, I was a complete wreck. The first day I wasn't bothered by it, the second day I started worrying, and every day since then I've just been completely lost in my own mind thinking the worst. The part that killed me the most was his timing. Right after I slapped him and rejected him the way I did, he disappeared. I knew the slap was too much, I pushed it too far. I couldn't sleep from the guilt eating me up every night.

Mikey was the least worried of us all. I don't know if it was his calm nature, but he was just completely relaxed. I had been too guilty to tell him what last happened between Gerard and I, but I finally told him on the third day that Gerard was missing, and Mikey said Gerard was being a baby. He said that this was Gerard's way of making sure he got what he wanted. He would disappear, come back after freaking every one out, and then I would forgive him. I hated to admit that that was a possibility, but that doesn't mean I was able to stop worrying.

At the moment, I was laying on the sofa in Mikey's living room. I'd convinced my mom to let me stay the night at the Way home every single day in case Gerard came back. I wanted to be here when he did. I don't know why, I just did.

I could hardly keep my eyes open while I lay on the sofa trying to focus on whatever show Mikey had playing.

"Just go get some sleep," he said, throwing a pillow at me when my lids started drooping.

"No," I shook my head. It was nighttime but his parents weren't home yet. "I don't want to."

"Frankie, you need to stop," he sighed. "Go get some fucking sleep or eat something. Either one, it's your choice."

"What if he comes back?" I groaned. "And I'm asleep. He can't come back and see me asleep."

"Who cares?" Mikey rolled his eyes. He was pretty irritated by what Gerard was doing to the whole family. It was his way of covering up his concern for his older brother. "If I hear him, I'll wake you up, alright?"

"What if you don't make it in time?"

"I'm gonna kill you." He looked at me seriously and I knew I was pushing him over the edge.
I really wasn't trying to be overdramatic though. I wanted Gerard to see me wide awake when he got home, to see how worried I was. I told myself that I would still ignore him, but me being worried was the only symbol he would get of me caring.

I dragged myself off of the sofa and towards the basement. Yes, I had been sleeping in Gerard's room. There was a possibility he would come straight to it when he got back. I shuffled down the stairs and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I really didn't want to sleep.

When I got to the bathroom, I took a good look at my reflection. Fuck, I looked horrible. My hair hadn't been washed, brushed, or even touched so it just looked like a giant greaseball. The bags under my eyes were massive. I could've sworn it looked like I had lost ten pounds off my face even though Mikey's mom made sure to feed me constantly.

I sighed and turned on the faucet, scrubbing at my oily face, especially my eyes hoping the cold water would snap them open. I went back into the room and dropped onto Gerard's bed next to my guitar. It was the only thing keeping me company.

I never let it show in front of Mikey or his parents, but I couldn't even explain to them how horrible I felt. Not only was the guilt killing me and tearing my mind apart, but I just fucking missed him. That was the worst part. I just missed seeing his face, hearing his voice, having him around. And what made it hurt even more was how much I missed him. It was killing me to be away from him, yet he up and left just like that, without a word and without a minute to think about it. It was so easy for him to leave me. Was I really that forgettable? I mentally slapped myself. Sure, Gerard said he liked me, but I had to remember that I was the only person who was in love. Of course I was the only person who felt this way.