TALK TO ME ¯ᶠʳᵉʳᵃʳᵈ

-ˏˋｓｅｖｅｎｔｅｅｎ：ｆｉｘｉｎｇ ｗｈａｔ＇ｓ ｂｒｏｋｅｎˊˎ-

I couldn't move. I couldn't process what I'd just heard with what I was seeing. The Gerard that was standing in front of me was not the same Gerard that had just admitted he was addicted to cocaine. It was impossible.

"Frankie," he spoke again, reaching out to me, but I flinched and backed away from him, hitting the wall behind me. He looked hurt, but stopped coming near me and stood where he was. "I didn't want you to hear that. At least not like that."

I shook my head. He didn't want me to hear it at all. He was planning to keep it from me. I was always so concerned with being open with him and trusting him, yet he wasn't giving me the same consideration. Typical Gerard behavior.

I tried to squeeze past him into Mikey's room, scooting as close to the door as I could so I didn't touch him. He sighed, defeated, and moved out of my way. Part of me wanted to be angry at Mikey because apparently he knew but never told me. But I just couldn't be angry with him. It really wasn't his secret to tell anyways.

He was sitting in the same position on his bed, staring at the wall next to him, his face blank of any emotion. It took him a few seconds to realize I was in the room and he looked at me.

"I'm sorry I never said anything," he said blankly to me, his voice completely monotone.
I shook my head, letting him know it was alright. I just sat down next to him, on the edge of the bed, trying to process this rush of emotions. It was getting overwhelming, so I shut my eyes, and took deep breaths to calm myself down.

These moments seemed to last hours, but it was only seconds before Gerard made his way back into the room. I opened my eyes when I felt him standing in front of the bed.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I shook my head and went for my phone that was in my pocket. For once, he actually obeyed and stayed quiet while I wrote him a text.

Mikey looked over my shoulder to see what I was writing and nodded before I handed it over to Gerard. I had written, "So finish explaining why you were gone."

He didn't just take the phone from me. He bent over and held my hand with the phone in it and I shivered slightly, but tried to contain it. He rubbed the back of my hand with his index finger as he read the text. I know it didn't actually take him that long to read it, but he took his time holding my hand. He finally let go and I dropped my hand in my lap. He sighed and ran his hand through his greasy hair, but only going halfway because it was too knotted for his fingers to make it all the way through. His hand dropped to his side and he looked at Mikey and me before finally speaking.

"Before I came home, I did a few lines," he sighed again, now avoiding our eyes completely. "Once I start I can't stop. I ran out so I went to get more. The guy that I usually get them from, though, I usually, uh, get a deal somehow. This time he wouldn't so he wanted the full price but I didn't have enough money. So I got a job at the comic book store. I wasn't gonna keep it or anything just enough until I could find a deal to make with the dealer. I couldn't come back because I would have to explain why I got a job and left early, so I decided to just hide out until I was done and had enough money."

I looked down at my lap, biting my lip to hold back tears. I shouldn't have been this affected by this, I wished more than anything I could stop caring. But there was so much pain that came with each word he said. My black eye started to sting as the tears gathered behind my swollen lids and I clenched it tight, hoping to hold the tears back, but it stung even more with the movement and the tears came spilling out of it and dropping onto my hand that lay in my lap. Shit. I hoped Gerard didn't notice, but he wasted no time in kneeling in front of me and holding my hand.

"Frankie, I'm sorry," he pleaded. "I'm so fucking sorry. I know it doesn't help, I know it doesn't fix anything, but you have no idea how truly sorry I am. Please don't cry over me and over what I do to you. Maybe it was best to stay away. You're better off without all the pain I cause you."